


Going in Blind

by PushPin



Series: Everybody died before this story started [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-03
Updated: 2013-01-20
Packaged: 2017-11-17 16:45:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/553717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PushPin/pseuds/PushPin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Humanstuck AU</p><p>By chance Dave meets a recently blinded Sollux on a park bench.  With no one else around to help him out, Dave takes the task and gets drawn in.</p><p>(man I suck at summaries)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was the first snow of the winter season and everyone was still inside so early in the morning, still warm and asleep in their bed. Your neighbors in the apartment next door woke you up with an especially spirited round of very early sex, and instead of rolling around in bed with your own boner you decided to go cool off outside. The sun was just coming up and all the street lights were going out.

It was barely snowing, just extremely little flakes that melted on contact with any of the surroundings. Still, it was pretty despite the cold. You were bundled up in your ironically bright red jacket, scarf, hat, and sunglasses and it kept the cold out pretty well. The snow was right on time this year, early November, but it wasn't cold enough to stick to the ground, just look pretty coming down.

Even though you were moving it was starting to feel cold, your play list still had another seven songs though so you prolonged your walk and headed for the park. The grass was crunchy with frost and a few leaves had a pale shell of ice, but it was melting fast. It was too early for anyone else to be meandering around the park, at least most people.

At first glance you assumed it was just an unhappy homeless person hunched over on the bench, still sleeping. They were sitting with their legs out in front of them, top half slumped forward with their face in their knees and arms wrapped around their legs. You had to dismiss your first idea that it was a bum when you realized they just had on a black tee shirt and rather fashionably tight pants. They looked skinny enough to be homeless. When you got closer you could see it was a young guy, but couldn't see his face with it pressed into his knees. He had a short black mop of hair that left the back of his neck uncovered, but you couldn't see his face.

He wasn't moving and you were worried upon approaching that you were going to see your first dead body in the park, but he was in fact breathing. He was also shivering quite hard, you could understand that, it must be awful out here in just a tee shirt. You stopped a decent distance away from him and pulled out your ear buds, you could hear his shaky breaths.

You edged as close as you dared but he didn't move, was he asleep? Passed out drunk from the night before? Did he get mugged or something? You'd never heard of a mugging this early in the morning, but who knew when sketchy fuckers roamed.

“Are you okay?” you asked quietly, but it sounded loud in the silent park.

He jumped like he'd been burned, kicking up some dirt and sitting bolt upright with his arms out like he was going to block an attack. You put your hands out instantly, palms facing towards him and taking a step back. You didn't think you were especially intimidating, but maybe he hadn't heard you come up.

“W-who's there?” he asked, sounding somewhere between terrified and completely frozen. You stood in confusion for a long few seconds, before letting your arms fall down to your sides. His eyes were firmly closed, and you had to wait for your brain to catch up to what was happening. When several seconds passed and he didn't open his eyes you waved to him, no reaction.

“Uh, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, sorry. You looked like you were hurt or something.” you bent over to get a better look at his downcast face, he shuddered hard and tried to curl in on himself again.

“Oh, no... I'm fine.” his voice cracked and his expression indicated he wasn't fine.

You looked around but the park but there still wasn't anyone to be seen, or any indication how long he had been there. No other belongings, just small flakes falling from the sky.

“Or... could you help me a little? If you're still there...” he sounded small and drew your attention back with his quiet murmurs. You could hear a small lisp, just barely there and hard to hear. He lifted his head towards you, upset and confused, and you took a step closer. 

You could see his eyes were a little red around the edges, but his lips were tinged blue and his whole face was washed out white. Despite that he was actually pretty cute, if a little bit too skinny. He had short shaggy black hair that looked like his mom cut it, and curly black eyelashes.

“What do you need man?” you asked, folding your hands into fists in your pocket, fuck if you were cold he must be freezing.

“Shit, sorry, I don't even know you I don't mean to ask for favors, Jesus. I just, I lost my cane, over there somewhere I think. I couldn't find it before and I... kind of need it.” he gestured vaguely towards you, and you realized that he meant the bushes behind you.

“Sure, lemme see.” you turned slowly and it only took a few seconds to find a black walking stick wedged into a bush. You drew it out and found it to be a blind man's cane, he was definitely blind. You just ran into a possibly hypothermic blind guy stranded on a park bench without his cane or a coat, what's sadder than that.

You crunched back across the grass with his cane and he had his hands folded in his lap, trying to suppress his shivers with his head down again. He looked so pathetic, in the cute way though that made you want to feed him hot chocolate with marshmallows and snuggle in your bed.

“Found it.” you said quietly but he jumped a little anyways, lifting his head.

“Seriously? Thanks.” he sighed, reaching both of his hands out towards you. It took you a second to understand but you placed it into his hands and he pulled it close, holding it between his legs and wrapping both hands around it. You stood in front of him for long enough that it was going to get really awkward no matter what you did next, but what were you supposed to do? People started dying if they stayed out in this kind of weather for too long.

“Hey, what's your name?” you finally asked, moving to sit next to him on the bench. He shifted uncomfortably but didn't move away.

“Sollux.” he mumbled, trying to pronounce it without slurring the 'S' parts; it was kind of cute, in a grade school way.

“I'm Dave.”

“Okay...?” he turned his head a little towards you.

“What are you doing out here Sollux?” 

He shivered and you could see his eyelashes flutter like he was going to open his eyes. It made you wonder if he had eyes under there or if it was just empty holes.

“I left my apartment.”

“That is what being 'outside' means.”

He frowned at you and shook his head with a huff before folding his twig arms tightly to his chest. God he had to be freezing.

“I left and I can't go back, not yet.”

“And you don't have a coat or..?”

“I left in kind of a hurry, okay?” he snipped back at you, shuffling his feet. You yawned but stayed silent for a long time, nodding for no one's benefit but your own.

“You have anywhere to go?” you asked, trying not to sound like a worried mom.

“... This is it.”

You drew in a deep breath of cold air and let out a puff of cloud, trying not to make it as despairing as you felt. This guy was seriously pulling on pity chords you didn't know you had.

“Here.” you said, pulling your phone out of your pocket and unzipping your coat, shrugging it off. Sollux looked towards you, confused and unmoving. You picked up one of his hands and pushed it into the sleeve of your coat, trying to put it on someone who wasn't helping. His hand was freezing in yours, how cold did it have to be before he got frostbite?

“This is your coat?”

“Yeah, so put it on.”

“What? No, I can't take your coat.” he shook his head and started pushing the coat back towards you.

“Shit, you're not going to keep it, just put it on for a little bit.”

“...But then you won't have a coat.”

“Yeah well, I also have a heated apartment to go back to.”

That shut him up long enough for you to get him to put the coat on and he sighed, lifting his legs to fold against his chest and shivering. Your coat was a little big on him and his cane slipped to the ground ith a tinny thud. You picked it up for him and leaned it against the side of the bench.

“When can you go back to your apartment?” you asked after yet another awkwardly long pause, this whole encounter was just strange.

“I don't know, later.” he muttered and the look if distress was back.

“Okay um... shit, well the coffee places aren't open yet. And I know this is super creepy for me to ask, but you could come sit on my couch for a while?”

“You're right, that is a super creepy thing to ask.” so he had some sass hidden in there.

“You've got a better plan?”

“I don't know, my plan only went as far as try not to get lost and stranded on a park bench. You can see how well that was going for me.”

“Right, well, I'm fucking freezing so you're either coming back with me or I have to call the homeless police or something because Jesus dude, I don't know how you still have all your fingers out here.”

“It's not so bad once you get past the initial stages of hypothermia, after that it's almost fun.” one corner of his mouth quirked up and he huddled deeper into your coat.

“As great as you make that sound, I'll pass.” you stood and crammed your phone and hands into your jean pockets.

“Coming or staying?” you asked, shuffling from foot to foot and trying to warm up a little. Sollux looked torn, you could understand his difficulty. You would be uncertain of strangers anyways, and much more so if you had no idea what they looked like.

“I don't know...” 

You looked around the empty park once again to find no one. To be honest you were worried to even leave him alone out here, what if the real creepers showed up?

“Look, you seriously can't stay out here like this. I won't make you come with me, but you've go to go somewhere. So are you coming with me or am I calling someone to come get you?”

He swallowed hard and his head hung low. You thought he might be ignoring you until he finally gave a solemn nod, wobbling into a standing position and managing to knock his cane over again. His legs were shaking and it looked like they didn't want to respond.

“I got it.” you picked it up for him and he took it after you poked him in the arm with it.

“So... how do I like... lead you?” you asked, holding your hands out towards him without touching. You'd never even met a blind person before, what was the etiquette? You'd somehow managed to avoid blurting out the question 'are you blind?' so far, but there were a million other pitfalls you'd never even thought of.

“Uhh, just let me grab on to your arm.” he reached a pale hand out of your jacket sleeve towards you and you took it, tucking it between your elbow and chest. It was like snuggling with a pack of icicles, but you were still better off than him. You could feel the involuntary tremors as his fingers curled around your arm and wanted to throw an arm around him to help warm him up.

“Good to go?” you asked, taking a halting step forward and he followed you with an easy step.

“I'm blind not crippled, walk.” he threw his other arm forward to gesture with the cane in a way that could be described as wild. You had an idea how his cane ended up in a bush twenty feet away from him.

To your surprise he didn't use his cane while he followed you, just letting it drag along the ground beside him. He followed you without trouble, only tripping once when you accidentally tried to lead him past a sign but didn't leave enough room for him on the other side. He graciously didn't complain about your error.

You could feel how he wanted to huddle in against your side, and to be honest you wouldn't have minded either, you were cold too. This close you could tell he smelled clean like soap and by the time you made it back to your apartment building his hand was starting to feel warm against your arm. The snow had mostly stopped by now, just a rare flurry floating down to quickly disappear as soon as it hit the ground.

You pushed through the front door of your building and Sollux shuddered, pulling his hand out of your grasp. Straightening his cane he tucked his other hand into your coat's pocket.

“Where is this?”

“Uh... well it's The Derse building, just outside of downtown? I'm in apartment 2C.”

Sollux nodded slowly, sliding his cane across the slick floor and reaching his hand out towards you again. You took it and he took a hold of your elbow, letting you lead him again. As it turned out stairs were especially dangerous to him, he looked like a baby deer learning to walk, clutching at you and the railing like he was going to fall at any moment.

Finally you made it up the stairs and down the hall to your apartment. He ran his hand across the wall all the way down the hall, lightly touching the number plaque next to your door.

“You good with this?” you asked while fishing out your keys, fumbling a little with your cold fingers.

“Not really, but I have limited options.” he gave a small jerk of his shoulder almost like a shrug, but it was hard to tell through his shivering.

“Anything I can do to make myself seem less sketchy?”

“Not raping or killing me?”

“We're off to a good start already then, because I totally could have in the park and then I didn't.”

He actually cracked a smile at that and shook his head.

“Yeah well, I don't know what you have in your apartment, it could be a torture dungeon for all I know.”

“Close, that's my neighbor. Mine is the morgue.” you were only half kidding, but Sollux wouldn't be able to see your various collectible dead animals in jars. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

“You're an insufferable prick, you know that?” he actually laughed a little saying it, and he basically butchered the word 'insufferable'.

You finally managed to unlock the door and reached out to take Sollux's hand, guiding him through the door. He took short shuffling steps in behind you, staying quiet and keeping his hand tucked into your coat until he was inside. 

“You wanna take a look around or... I'll just take you to the couch.” you had to refrain from smacking yourself in the face for saying 'look around'. He took your direction without comment and you left him standing in front of your sofa, nudging it with his cane before leaning down to touch it with his hands. 

You turned the heat up a few degrees in your apartment, heading back around to see Sollux sitting on your couch, leaning forward and running his hands over your table. He nearly knocked a stack of magazines off the table but they just slumped over in an uneven pile.

“Want coffee?” you asked and he turned to face you.

“Uh, sure.” he was still shivering but hopefully he would start feeling better soon.

You grabbed your extra blanket and dropped it in his lap before heading off to your kitchen to make two cups of coffee instead of your usual one. Somehow you felt a little giddy, almost like you were on a date. This was far from a date, but it felt almost the same. Except for the part where he was worried you were a psychopath, that didn't feel so good.

You returned to the couch, a cup of coffee in each hand, to find Sollux balled up in a cocoon with your blanket. You told him to put out his hand and a hand obediently emerged from under your blanket. He took the cup of coffee from you and it disappeared into the cocoon. You sat next to him and regarded the slowing shivers emanating from the ball of blanket.

“So what happened in your apartment, fight with the girlfriend or something?” you ventured, gaining a snort from somewhere under the blanket.

“Just my roommate, but close enough I guess.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

He was silent for a long time.

“I'm just really curious what could be so bad you would risk dying in the snow than see your roommate.” shit, you needed to strike the words 'look' and 'see' from you vocabulary.

“There was snow?” he sounded quiet and you thought about it, there was no way he could have known it was snow, it melted as soon as it touched anything. Blundered into that one too.

“Yeah, just a little.” you cleared your throat, telling yourself not to broach the subject of his blindness. He probably got asked that same stupid question by every single person he's every met.

“I haven't been blind that long, in case you're wondering why I suck at it.”

That caught your attention, because while you hadn't been thinking he was bad at being blind, you were just wondering about it. It kept you from having to be that guy who asks about it when he doesn't want to talk.

“Oh... Can I ask what happened? You can totally ignore that by the way, sorry, forget I said it. Shitty question.” you cringed, regretting your own stupidity.

“Chemical spill, almost six months ago.” he said in a careful monotone.

“Jesus, sorry about that.” you mumbled. Of course there was no good way for someone to go blind, but your head was busy conjuring up horrible images of acid and gore. And so recent too? 

“My roommate and I were fighting about the accident and I left. He treats me like some fucking invalid now.” you could hear the bitterness in his voice and a hand emerged from the blanket, setting a mostly empty mug of coffee onto your table.

“Yeah... I kind of did that too I guess, sorry?”

“Not like he does. Besides, I can practically hear you cringe whenever you reference me 'seeing' by accident, so that's pretty funny at least.”

“I was hoping you wouldn't notice that because now I feel like a huge dick.”

“As long as you keep feeling that way I'll let it slide.” he smiled and you could feel a weight lift. You'd only known him for half an hour now, but from what you could tell he was pretty cool about being blind. 

You kept talking for a while, leaving Sollux to huddle on one end of your couch. As it turned out you and Sollux actually had a fair amount in common with each other for a random meeting on a park bench. You talked about video games, computers, Sollux listened to you prattle on about music and mixes. You turned the TV on at a certain point when the conversation lulled, reruns of The Daily Show were rambling in the background when you turned to look at Sollux, still wrapped in the blanket.

You didn't see any shivering through the fabric anymore, just slow rising and falling of his breathing, which was a good sign. You quietly said his name but got no response. He must have fallen asleep, it was still only 7AM, you had woken up really fucking early. You got up and walked over, carefully lifting the blanket enough until you could see his face. 

He was still wrapped in your coat underneath the blanket, zipped all the way up his neck, but his face had some color in it finally. His cheeks were a healthy rosy color and his lips had lost their purple color. He was breathing softly into the arm of the couch, still clinging to the sleeves of your coat. You hadn't seen too much of his face yet, he seemed to keep it downcast most of the time. But you were growing to like his features, a little thin but good looking.

Up close it was more noticeable that he didn't have eyes, his eyelids were sunken in just a little bit. It wasn't even visible until you got up close. You could see subtle scars around his eyes, just barely there paler patches of skin that told of a trauma. It didn't seem fair, to have an accident like that when you were so young. You don't know what you would do if something like that happened to you. It would feel like your life was over.

You placed the blanket back over him and let him get some sleep, you had no idea how long he'd been outside before you got there, he could have been there all night. As far as you were concerned he could stay as long as he wanted, he seemed nice, and from what you knew of him you wanted to know more.


	2. Chapter 2

Life went on as normal for a long time. You didn't have a roommate to share your apartment with, so you didn't have to see people if you didn't want to. You wandered from bar to club, taking DJ jobs when you could get them. For the most part you were the standard 'temporary replacement' when others were busy. This made it difficult to have any kind of social life, since you usually got jobs when no one else wanted to work.

Every once in a while you would sit on your couch and remember that weird blind guy you let sleep there one afternoon. In your last act of creepiness before escorting him onto the bus you told him your phone number. You had been ready to write it down and smoothly pass it to him before realizing that he couldn't read it. Instead you were left you reciting your phone number to someone halfway up the stairs of a city bus, which was possibly the least cool you'd felt in a long time. Sollux had laughed, but somehow it didn't make you feel belittled or embarrassed, you just laughed with him.

That was the last that you'd heard from him since then. You beat yourself up for a while, wondering if you should have asked for his number instead. It was hard to keep your mind off him, you needed to know more. You tried to find him on facebook but it was a no go, probably for the best you didn't have a page to stalk him through.

It wasn't until a few weeks later that chance stepped in. You had a rare opportunity to DJ at a real club, somewhere the people knew by name that had a cover charge. Some other guy called in sick and amidst the kerfuffle to find a new DJ on such short notice your name came up. You got a call and were out the door fifteen minutes later. It was more money than you made in two weeks, like hell you were going to say no to that.

You weren't certain what to expect getting there, but they were actually pretty cool about it. They weren't looking for you to do much besides know how to use the equipment and have a library of popular songs. You were due to work the whole night, until 2AM when they closed, so you set up for a long haul. Things were pretty standard, people trickled in slowly early on, hovering around the bar until some brave souls decided to start dancing. A big rush showed up just past 11 and the place was full up.

The DJ booth was actually a separate room that overlooked the dance floor, it was new in your book. You were used to a rickety wood stand that wobbled whenever someone bumped it. It gave you pretty good sound protection from outside when the door was closed, and you had a good view of the whole place. It made everything seem less hectic, and you found yourself actually a little bit bored, resorting to watching the crowd.

You were mentally bashing this incredibly hipster douchebag, he had awful thick frames without any lenses. His hair was carefully styled up and back with the most pretentious skunk stripe of purple in front. His pants were so tight you actually could see the outline of his package from a distance, this guy was legendary. It took you a while to even notice whoever the poor bastard was that was glued to his side. You felt bad for him for a second, before realizing he looked awfully familiar. You recognized that mop of choppy black hair and stick figure.

You actually leaned forward and took your sunglasses off to get a better look. It was Sollux, attached to the Prince Douchebag, dangling off his arm. Maybe he just didn't know what the guy looked like?

He looked a little different from the last time you'd seen him, he had on a silly pair of anaglyph sunglasses that covered a lot of his face. His long sleeved shirt had stripes and made him look like some kind of scarecrow, and a pair of mismatched shoes. It looked like his hipster friend had dressed him. 

After watching the two of them for a while you realized that Sollux looked extremely uncomfortable. He wasn't clinging to this guy's arm because he liked him, but because he would be lost otherwise in the crowd of the club. What kind of an asshole brings a blind guy to a dance club? That was basically taking away any semblance of awareness that he had of his surroundings. It was a huge room with few landmarks, full of people with music loud enough to make everyone's ears ring.

They looked like they were bickering, hipster guy had his head held up so high he'd drown if it was raining. He was close to the bar, leaving Sollux hanging out in the middle of the floor. You couldn't tell how long they'd been here, but Sollux looked like he was ready to leave while his friend ignored him and made for the bar. Sollux grabbed at his arm and pulled him hard, making them both stumble. Purple hair whipped around, snarling something at him before tearing his arm out of Sollux's grasp. He made quick steps away before Sollux could reach him, leaving Sollux to reach out in the empty space he left behind.

You started queuing up a few more songs immediately, glancing out of the booth to keep an eye on him. His friend disappeared quickly into the crowd, but you weren't interested in him. By the time you had the next three songs ready to go he had managed to make it to the wall next to the bar and huddled there. He looked really upset, arms folded around himself and hunched against the wall.

You jumped down the stairs, rushing past the bouncer that wanted to know who was playing the music if it wasn't you. It didn't take you too long to make it through the people and find Sollux, just where you'd seen him last. Douche Lord wasn't anywhere to be seen, thankfully. You walked over next to him and he shuffled uncomfortably but kept his head down.

“Sollux?” you had to speak loudly to be heard over the noise, but he jolted and lifted his head, eyebrows drawn together.

“Hey, it's Dave, come with me.” you gently touched his arm, he didn't jump but he hesitated before loosening his arms around himself and nodding. You put an arm around his shoulder and with minimum difficulty led him through the place and to the stairs leading to the booth. The bouncer didn't question you hauling him bodily up the stairs by a grip around his waist. He was without his cane, there was no way he was going to make it up on his own.

You closed the door once you were both in the booth and the noise instantly subsided. You checked the set list to make sure it was still going before turning to face Sollux who was still standing where you left him. He looked lost.

“Dave?” 

“You looked a little lost, I thought maybe you needed an out?” you leaned against the sound board.

“Yeah, thanks.” he sighed, running a hand through his hair and crouching close to the ground. He took a deep breath and folded his fingers behind his neck, letting his head fall forward.

“You okay?” you knelt next to him and tentatively put a hand on the curve of his back, he didn't flinch.

“Yeah, just...” he trailed off and shook his head. His sunglasses fell to the floor but you grabbed them and set them on the sound board.

“Who was that guy?”

“You saw that?”

“Only a little.” you shrugged, but realized he couldn't see that.

“He's such an asshole.” he shook his head but straightened a little and you could see his face. Thank god, for a minute you thought he was crying or something, but he looked more angry than anything.

“You met him here or?”

“Heh, no, we used to work at the same place. I don't know why I let him talk me into coming here.”

“So you're just friends?”

“Real subtle Dave.” he actually gave you a crooked smile at that. At least he seemed to be calming down.

“Can't a guy have a vested interest in a dude he met on a park bench once?” you removed your hand from his back and stood, he straightened with you. You didn't mean to but you actually flinched when he faced you and opened his eyes.

You expected to see dark fleshy sockets, maybe his brain or something. Instead you were greeted with solid opaque red and blue, bright jewel colors, one color for each eye. It was kind of neat, in a creepy gothic way. They matched his goofy anaglyph shades he was wearing earlier. You could see that he could still move them around like they were normal eyes and he turned to face you, angling the plastic lenses towards you. For a moment it was almost like he could see, despite the inhuman eyes.

“Well, thanks for the concern, even if you are a little creepy about it.” he reached out and found the wall, stepping back to lean against it.

You stepped over to the sound board and checked everything, adjusting a few settings and setting up another song to play. Sollux stayed quietly to the side, arms pressed against the wall behind him.

“Do you want me to see if I can go find your friend?”

“His name's Eridan, and no, I don't want anything to do with him.” he heaved a sigh and slid down the wall, sitting on the floor with his knees folded in front of him.

“You're free to stay up here as long as you like, I'm here until two.”

“What time is it now?”

“A little after twelve.”

“I can stay.” he folded his arms over his knees and closed his eyes.

“Cool.” you managed to hide the thrill in your voice.

“So you didn't mention you were a DJ, that's pretty cool.” he tipped his head back and let it rest against the wall.

“I didn't want to brag or anything, woulda scared you off.”

He laughed and opened those weird fake eyes to point towards the ceiling. Even if they were fake you could imagine he would have had nice eyes, when he had them.

“How are things with the roommate?” you weren't prying, just wanting to know if one of his problems had been solved.

“Eh, okay I guess. Except I'm pretty sure his best friend is a serial killer.”

“Any basis for that accusation?”

“He's this creepy juggalo fuck, so touchy feely, and gets really sinister sometimes.”

“Like how?”

“Ugh, I don't know, it's hard to explain. I just hate that guy, I don't like being alone in the apartment with him.” you could see his shoulders curl while he shook off a shudder.

“Maybe it's time to move out?”

“Wish it were so easy.” he gave a sad smile.

“Well, if you ever need to get out give me a call.”

“Is that a proposition or are you just trying to be nice.”

“A little of both? But I don't think I'm half as creepy as you're making me out to be.”

“That's exactly what a creeper would say.”

“Shit, you're right.”

Sollux actually stuck around with you in the booth until the patrons on the dance floor started to leave and the bartender flicked the lights on. You caught his asshole friend leave alone without even looking anywhere for Sollux. If you weren't on the clock you would seriously consider giving him what for.

The more time you spent with Sollux though the more you liked him. Despite his constant questioning of your motives he didn't seem worried at all around you. He just sat on the floor and talked with you between sets of songs, seemingly happy to be there. It was a big change from when you first met him and he was stuck in a shitty situation. Not that he wasn't in one now, but at least he got to go home without a fight this time.

“So any chance of me getting your number this time?”

“I'm going to have to say, extremely unlikely.”

“Aww shit, why? I kept on not raping and killing you, what else do you need?”

He laughed hard enough that he covered his face with his hands. You'd bought him a few drinks from the bar during his stay and now it was easy to get him to laugh, he looked so cute doing it too. You just wanted to pinch his little cheeks. You settled for hooking his shades into the front of his shirt.

“Maybe next time.” he finally answered, stretching his legs out in front of him on the floor.

He waited patiently for you to pack everything up, shut everything off, and get ready to leave. You had a small swell of pride that he was actually sticking around to hang out with you this time. Before, at your apartment, he'd had no other viable options. Now, he was here because he wanted to be here.

When you both went outside into the cold December night he procured a cigarette, from where you didn't know. He offered you one but you declined, it surprised you though because he didn't smell like smoke at all.

“Those things'll kill ya you know?” you pointed out, jostling his arm that was attached to your elbow.

“What do I want to live a long time for? My life sucks.” he sounded bitter, but you didn't have a counter argument ready.

He actually let you walk him to his apartment, it was just a few blocks away from the bar, since he didn't have his cane he kind of needed a guide. You were more than happy to lead him, it made you feel like you were in an after school special or something. Not to mention you would have worried about him all night wandering alone in the dark.

You both made it to the front door of his apartment building and you couldn't suppress a small frown. This side of town was pretty sketchy, and this building looked like it should be condemned. It hadn't been painted since it was built, the windows were tiny and institutional, and the front door looked like a stiff breeze might take it down. You guessed it had something to do with the fact that rent was extremely low, but it made you want to throw Sollux over your shoulder and take him home with you. It wasn't safe around here, and so far Sollux had not proven himself able to defend.

“Would you settle for my screen name?”

“Huh?”

“To message me, instead of a phone number.”

“Oh, yeah, totally, sweet.” you fumbled around in your pockets and managed to procure a sharpie. You had Sollux write on your arm like a school child. His handwriting was neat and evenly spaced, reminding of a type font. You had to twist your arm to read it, but it read: TwinArmageddons 

“Don't make me regret giving you that, okay?”

“What, you don't want to be signed up for cat facts?”

He smacked you in the arm, it ended up more in your shoulder area but you got the idea.

“You could always call me you know.”

“Sure, just hold your breath and wait.” his face was smug, just reminding you that he was the one playing hard to get here. But it was just like the end of a date, and you had to fight the urge to lean in and kiss him. You decided it would be a breach of trust at this point.

“Take care of yourself Sol, look out for crazy juggalos.” you turned and headed off in the direction of your neighborhood, pretty damn far from here.

Halfway home you had a conniption when you realized that you told him to 'look out', fucking stupid asshole prick. You were going to have to work on that some more.

With a little hustle you were back to your apartment before 3AM. You were tired, but at the same time felt like going and jumping on your bed. You were still excited, it had been pure chance that you ran into Sollux again. With a little bit of luck he actually seemed to like you too. It wasn't like you didn't have options for romantic pursuits, but it was pretty rare that you found someone that actually interested you.

You stripped down to your boxers and booted up your computer, adding TwinArmageddons to your friends list. The name instantly popped up online, but showed he'd been idle for 9 hours. You typed up a message to send him apologizing for the sight slip, but decided that it was lame and he was going to make fun of you for it if you did. He hadn't shown any indication that he'd even noticed you saying it, at least you didn't think.

You were about to shut your computer down before you tried typing his screen name in to Google. An awful lot of search results came up, but third down on the list was a Facebook page. You opened it up and discovered his elusive Facebook page. Nowhere on it was a mention of his actual name, but what you noticed first was his profile picture. 

It was him and some girl, she had extremely long black curly hair that fell over hers and his shoulders. They were both grinning like they were the happiest people in the world, and most importantly he had his eyes. They weren't quite normal, you realized they were mismatched, one pale blue, the other auburn. He'd had heterochromia, before his accident. That kind of explained the mismatched replacements he had now, that they weren't just some random punk thing.

Going through his photos there weren't any new ones within the past seven months, but just before he stopped posting there was a flurry of photos of him with that girl. Clearly they had more than a platonic relationship, there were a few of her kissing him on the cheek or squeezing him in too tight hugs. A few even had Eridan in them, looking grumpy like he was too cool to be there. 

One photo looked like it was right out of a magazine, the three of them on a beach together. The girl was tan and had nice curves and a tiny bathing suit, wringing out her plentiful hair onto Sollux who was sitting in the sand beneath her. He looked healthier and happier, had a little more weight on him than he did now, and held out a pair of wet glasses while trying to shield himself from her. Eridan was actually smiling, sitting next to him and watching the girl. It was a really cute picture, all three of them were clearly having a good time. 

You had to fight off your jealousy before clicking on the girl tagged as Feferi Peixes. Sollux's page was still listed as being 'in a relationship' with her. Surely he would have mentioned it by now if he was dating someone instead of leading you on. But your jealousy and your stomach sank when you reached her page.

Much like Sollux's page hers stopped updated almost seven months ago. Hers was for a different reason though; she was dead. It was filled with comments of sad friends and family, condolences and frowny emoticons. There was a post that invited friends and family to her funeral and wake, six months ago. 

Not only had Sollux lost his sight seven months ago, he lost his girlfriend too. No wonder he wasn't receptive to your advances, you wouldn't be either in his position. All he had to say was my girlfriend died and you would have fucked off. He should have called you a supreme asshole for you behavior and kicked you in the shins and you would have deserved it. 

You shut your computer down without even closing the window, letting it force close. Shit like that was heavy and you were too tired to deal with it right now. You wished you hadn't found that, that you had just gone to sleep like you were going to and forgotten to check for anything else about Sollux. 

In bed you couldn't sleep. You laid on your back with your eyes open, consumed by thoughts of Sollux. He looked so happy in those photos with Feferi, so much more carefree than he looked in person. It was like seeing a different person in those photos. 

Part of you wanted to get up and go see what else you could find on the internet about him and Feferi, but the rest of you was pretty sure you didn't want to know. It was a morbid curiosity, like how everyone slows down to watch an accident on the side of the road. Everyone looks to see if there was a tragedy, but when they see it they wish they hadn't looked.

It took you a long time to fall asleep, but even then your dreams were plagued. You got up early the next day and felt exhausted. You had nothing to do today but sit around with your own thoughts. You typed up no less than ten different messages into a little window with Sollux's screen name in it, but always closed it before sending. What were you supposed to say to him, knowing that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter actually came out pretty fast, neat! 
> 
> I can't promise other chapters will come this fast, but I do love getting comments on it! I've gotten ideas before from comments, and I find them very motivational :)


	3. Chapter 3

Several days passed with you vacillating between wanting to send Sollux a message and wallowing in guilt. You couldn't help yourself from looking up as much as you could about him with his screen name. That and reading articles about Feferi Peixes.

Your stomach sank every time you opened the next article though. Apparently it had been an accident in the laboratories of Betty Crocker, that so far had gone unexplained. Sollux wasn't mentioned by name in any of them, only listed in a few of the articles as 'another person was injured in the accident'. Feferi had been young, bright, and promising and you could only find seven articles about her, a facebook page, and her defunct college swim team page. It was unsatisfying and unsavory to say the least, reeking of a coverup in your opinion. 

Eventually you switched over to exploring the screen name 'TwinArmageddons', for which there were far more search results. It surprised you to find that the first search result under that name was a closed forum that required you to log in to view anything. After five unsuccessful minutes of trying to find a registration page you gave up and went on to other prospects. It took some time but you were able to deduce that he was a hacker, or at least he used to be.

There were a few screen shots to be had of his hacking accomplishments, downloads to seemingly random files, occasionally a comment on seemingly random blog posts, and a lot of other stuff that you couldn't decipher. It was interesting and you spent way longer than you should have going through the seven pages of information google could dredge up for you.

When you were finally done internet stalking him you were left with indecision. Would he prefer it if you just left him alone? You should have been more sensitive around him, the guy had some shit go down in his life, he deserved a break. But at the same time, he had given you his screen name to contact him with, that could be seen as a pretty clear sign that he wanted to talk to you still.

Before you could come to your own conclusions the decision was made for you.

You were most of the way asleep, it was the middle of the week so you didn't have any firm work plans for the next day or two. It was late in the night and you had stripped down to your underwear and curled up under your blankets.

You could hear something loud near you, but it took you almost a full minute before your brain kicked in and told you that it was your phone ringing. You rolled out of the covers and felt for the vibrating weight next to you in the bed, answering it before checking the screen to see who it was.

“What-” you croaked before clearing your throat and blinking your eyes open. You lifted the blankets off your head and the clock read 1:26AM. It took you longer than it should have to read the numbers, and by the time you were finished nobody had responded through the phone. If this was some shitty pocket dial you were going to be pissed.

“Hello? Who's there?” you sat up and scratched your hair, hearing far away voices and shuffling on the other side of the line.

“Dave?” the response finally came though, but was muffled and crackled through your speaker.

“Who's this?” 

“Uh, it's Sollux. Can you come get me?”

“Sollux?” you repeated dumbly, your brain was still working on being awake.

“Sorry, I woke you up, fuck. Just, nevermind, sorry.” you could hear shuffling in the background and more muffled talking. Whatever phone he was was terrible, full of static and crackling through your reciever.

“It's fine, what's going on? You need me to come find you?” you were starting to feel more awake and started looking for your pants. You just barely had the state of mind to be glad Sollux was calling you.

“I mean not if you're busy. Or if you just don't want to.” he stopped to talk with someone in the background but you couldn't understand what he was saying.

“I can come, where are you?” you worked on pulling up your pants with one hand, searching for the rest of your clothes.

“Uh... hold on.” more shuffling and static.

“Hello?” someone else was on the phone and you were very even more confused.

“Hi?”

“Listen, you need to come get your friend or I'm about to call the cops.” whoever it was they sounded decidedly nonplussed.

“On the way, just tell me where.”

You were given an address and plugged it into your phone to get directions, it was a convenience store about a block away from Sollux's apartment building. The quick jog over gave you time to start worrying about what was going on. This whole affair was really suspect and you couldn't think of a good reason why Sollux would need you to come get him. Maybe he was just lost? But it was such a weird time of night to be lost, and why would he call you of all people? Not to mention that it was an awfully strange time to wander around and get lost.

You wandered into the place like you were lost, nobody else was around outside and the windows were too full of posters, keeping you from seeing through. The bell on the door rang when you pulled the door open, revealing a single clerk leaning against the cash register who looked up when you stepped through the threshold. 

“Are you Dave?” he asked and stood up straight.

“Is Sollux here?” you pocketed your phone and stepped up to the counter.

Before the clerk could respond Sollux stumbled up from the floor behind the counter and nearly took out a display of lighters with his hands on the counter. His hair was messy and his eyes were wide, fake lenses flashing bright red and blue in your general direction. His cheeks were red and for a second you thought it looked like he had been crying, but then you saw the smear of blood under his nose.

“You actually came?” he asked, looking surprised but carefully thrilled.

“Uh, yeah. What happened?” you took his arm and led him around the counter after the clerk made shooing motions. He didn't seem thrilled to have Sollux there, you didn't really blame him.

“It's... a long story I guess.” he sighed, holding on to your arm and standing close. If he had been glad to have you there at the club he was downright ecstatic now. He actually stepped on one of your feet he was so close to you.

“Thanks.” you gave the clerk a wave and were given another shooing motion in response. 

“Why don't we go? You want me to take you home or back to my place?” you turned to face the door, slowly heading out. You had a feeling the clerk might call the cops on the both of you if you didn't leave soon, and you had no idea what was going on.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” he swallowed hard and wiped at his face with a dirty sleeve, which you realized had drying blood on it. He was actually just a mess. He no longer had an actively bloody nose, but you could see that it was pretty recent. His lower lip had a scabbed over split, and there were small smears of dried blood on his face where he'd touched.

“Or there's always the hospital?” you bent over to get a better look at his face. Up close you could tell what originally looked like red cheeks had a purple undertone and would probably be bruises tomorrow. His hands curled in the sleeve of your coat and you could see his knuckles, equally bruised and scraped.

“I'm okay, I just want to go.” he begged, keeping his head down.

You tried to coax him into going to the hospital anyways, but was starting to get upset and you relented, leading him back to your place. You tried to go slow, thinking he would probably want to take things easy, but he hurried you along. He kept slowing for a few seconds to crane his neck like he was looking around, and you figured out that was him listening. You only passed one or two people walking on the other side of the road, but he stopped each time.

He tripped on your stairs and almost fell down them but you got a hold on him before he slipped more than a few steps down. Even so he managed to knock his knees pretty hard on the stairs so you hauled him the rest of the way up with an arm around his waist. You were getting pretty good at that.

He barely gave you any space to open your door, crowding against your side and holding on to your arm. You got him to your apartment and situated on your sofa before going to get your first aid kit and a washcloth. When you got back he was leaning back into your couch, head back with his eyes closed. It was refreshing to see him relaxed in your apartment, he seemed to have a tendency to get twitchy.

“So are you going to make me beg or what?”

“Huh?” his brows drew together and he lifted his head.

“What the fuck happened to you? I was scared there for like a second.”

He actually let out a small humorless laugh before sighing and flexing his hand. You knew from experience that throwing a punch hurt, and you sincerely doubted that he knew what he was doing. As long as he was flexing his hand he hopefully hadn't broken anything though. 

You sat on the table in front of him with the first aid kit and washcloth. His knuckles on one hand were starting to scab over and he kept running his fingers over them. He let you clean up his face and you did your best to be gentle, but he didn't complain. Once the dried smears of blood were gone he looked much better.

“Gimme your hand, then start talking.” you made a motion towards him, but realized that he didn't see it.

“Or what, you'll throw me out?” he rolled his eyes, which was awfully strange looking, but held out his hand anyways.

If his knuckles were bruised it meant he'd been fighting, but you couldn't for the life of you guess why. You were both silent while you cleaned up his damaged skin and put on a loose bandage before cleaning some blood from under his fingernails. It felt a little weird and intimate, you holding his hand and cleaning it up for him, but neither of you said anything. His hand was limp and cool in yours, and you had to hold your hands in your lap to keep your hands from shaking. He just sat with his blank eyes directed towards your hands, together.

“You remember I told you about my roommate's best friend who always hangs around the apartment?” he took a deep breath and his fingers curled.

“Yeah?” you paused, holding his hand in both of yours.

“Turns out he might actually be a serial killer.” he was quiet and able to say that way more calmly than you would have been able to in his position.

“Should I call the cops?” your heart pounded in your chest, beating against your ribcage. You could only imagine how scary that could be. It was your nightmare, being stuck in an apartment with a serial killer, much less unable to see him. You would have been a mess, he was keeping it together awfully well.

“I'm so tired right now Dave, I just want to sleep.” Sollux sighed and pulled his hand from yours, falling back against your couch with a rush of air and running a hand down his face. He winced before shaking his head and dropping his arm.

“Are you sure? I mean this shit sounds serious.” you folded your hands together, fighting the urge to reach out and touch him more.

“He's probably gone by now anyways, it can wait until tomorrow.”

It was hard for you to decide, on the one hand wasn't this the kind of thing that you were supposed to report? Would you get in trouble for waiting to do so? In the end you had to go with Sollux, it wouldn't be cool to make him talk to the police against his will. Especially if it meant him leaving.

“Let me get you something to sleep in.” 

You left him again to go and round up a pair of pajamas and found yourself checking if they weren't a weird print or something. It then occurred to you that you could bring him pink polka dots and he wouldn't know. It was one less thing to stress out about. When you got back Sollux was lying sideways with his face in one of the pillows, one arm hanging off the side of the couch.

“Come on, let me show you where the bathroom is.” you were patting yourself on the back for even thinking of that. He dragged himself to his feet and followed you, shuffling his feet and running his hands across your walls. His ran his hands over everything first, checking the door frame and finding bumping into the door. You left him to get changed and went to check that all your windows and doors were locked. If there was actually a serial killer gallivanting around you didn't want to make it easy on him.

You pulled one of the two blankets off your bed, you only had two, and dragged it to the couch with an extra pillow. It wasn't ideal, but your apartment was pretty small and you didn't have a lot of extra stuff around. Shortly Sollux shuffled back into the room wearing your pajamas, stopping when he reached the open floor of your living room. Your clothes hung off him a little, but for the most part fit. You were going to lead him back to the sofa but he made it on his own with short shuffling steps and outstretched arms.

“I got you a blanket and a pillow, need anything else?”

He shook his head and wrapped his arms around himself. You were reminded of the photos on his facebook profile. He'd lost so much weight since the photos were taken, you could only imagine why.

“Okay, well my bedroom's just next to the bathroom door, so come get me if you need anything.”

He just nodded and stood in front of the couch, nudging it with his feet before leaning forward to touch with his hands. You watched him fumble around with the blanket and pillow on the sofa for a few minutes before retreating to your room. You left the door half open, in case he needed you. You would never wish anything bad to happen to him, but you were glad that he came to you when he needed help.

\---

“Dave...”

For the second time that night you could hear sound, but it took your brain a minute to process what you were hearing.

“Dave?”

Your brain abruptly remembered that you had Sollux in the other room, or for now he was in your room, saying your name.

“Sol?” you mumbled, curling up under your blanket and trying to stay warm. It was too cold and you remembered it was because you were missing a blanket. If it was cold in your usually small stuffy bedroom it had to be freezing in the living room.

“It's fucking freezing in here.” you should hear him draw in a shaky cold breath and touch the side of your bed. You rubbed your eyes open and looked up at his shadowy form. He was standing by the side of your bed with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, leaning over towards you. It was the same blanket he had cocooned himself in the first time you met him.

“Shit, sorry, come here.”

He hesitated but leaned closer, holding his weight on his hand and moving closer to you. You reached out and took the edge of his blanket, tugging on it he let it go to you. You sat up and spread it out over your bed with a toss, feeling the extra warmth.

“Come on.” you had to lean over and take his arm but he didn't resist. You pulled him until he was on he knees on your bed. It made the side of your bed dip a little so you shuffled until you were on one half of the bed, letting him sit in the warm spot that you had occupied before.

“Dave, this is kind of weird.” he was whispering, like you were in a fucking library or something. Maybe it was kind of nice, cute that he was being that way waking you up.

“Uh huh.” you were out of fucks to give, you needed to sleep and be warm and this was the only solution your sleep addled mind could produce. What was weird about sharing a bed when you were both cold and didn't have any more blankets? It was just like a sleepover, but with adults. Completely platonic as long as neither of you woke up with a boner. Even if you did, how would he know?

You stayed as you were and thought about sleeping, and how nice it would be to be asleep right now. It took some time but eventually in your half asleep stupor you felt him lie down next to you, making the bed shake and shuffle. A moment later cold feet touched your ankles and there was a small 'sorry' and more shuffling. You relinquished half of the blankets and tucked in close. His movements brought you closer to waking and you were half awake for a while, vaguely aware that he was next to you but not awake enough to dwell on it. Even if you weren't touching, the bed felt warmer with him there.

\---

It was cold in your apartment when you woke up the next day so you curled up under your blankets, holding them over your head. You didn't remember having anything to do today so you could stay in bed as long as you wanted. Or at least you were going to until you realized that the pillow you were grasping was in fact alive.

Your eyes shot open and were greeted with a mop of black hair on the pillow next to your head. It was Sollux, now you remembered, he stayed last night. You had a vague memory of inviting him into your bed because he was cold, that was a little weird but okay. Your had an arm slung over his chest, and your feet curled against his. You used to sleep up against Bro's side like that, when you were little and had to save on heating bills.

You relinquished your grip on his before sitting up in bed and looking down at Sollux. He was on his back and you had been pressed up against his side like an idiot kid, he hadn't even noticed. He looked peacefully asleep, huddled under your blankets in your pajamas. Over the night bruises had formed on his skin, one of his cheeks was purple and blue, there were some small circular bruises around his neck, and a smudge of black and blue under one eye. He hadn't looked bad at all last night, but today it was definitely noticeable that he'd been in a fight. You had to talk to the police or something today, if this juggalo was as dangerous as he indicated something had to be done.

It could wait until he woke up though. You manage to exit the bed without disturbing him, pulling on a sweatshirt and shuffling to your kitchen. It wasn't too early in the morning, but late enough that you didn't feel like making a legitimate breakfast. Cereal and a frozen waffle later you were sitting at the couch, silently surfing the internet. Normally you'd have music going by now but you didn't want to disturb your guest.

When it was finally nearing lunch time Sollux shuffled out of your room, bumping into your bathroom door that you'd left open with a curse. You left you computer on the couch and hopped over the back of the couch to make it into the hall.

“Sorry about that.” you hopped off the couch and went to close the door for him. He was still wrapped up in one of your blankets, rubbing his eyes and curling his toes on the foot he'd just found your door with.

“You feeling okay today?”

He just nodded slowly, running a hand through his hair. He kept his eyes closed, leaning against your wall and letting out an extended yawn. He still looked tired to you, but the bruises on his face could be throwing you off.

“Hungry?”

Another nod, but he pushed your hand off when you went to lead him to the kitchen. You kept your hands off and he followed behind you in silence with short shuffling steps. He didn't have his cane, but your apartment was pretty small anyways, he could probably figure it out without much trouble. He accepted your offering of frozen toaster waffles in similar silence. Either he wasn't a morning person or he lied about feeling okay.

“I'm gonna give the cops a call sometime soon, okay?”

“What? Why?” he finally opened his eyes for that, looking upset across the table at you.

“You're not going to let this go, are you? I mean no offense, but your face today? Not so good looking.” you'd been beat up enough times to know that stuff like that hurt, especially the day after.

“It's bad?” he was quiet, sulkily lifting a hand to rub at his bruised cheek. 

“It's up to you, but I wouldn't just let that shit drop.”

“What am I supposed to do after I report that?” he covered his face with his hands, resting his elbows on the table. His shoulders were slumped and he looked tired and defeated.

“Wait for them to catch him?”

“No, I mean what the fuck is supposed to happen after I report my roommate's best friend to the cops? Because I know Karkat well enough that I would not be appreciated for getting Gamzee arrested. I was barely welcome in that apartment as it was before, I sincerely doubt we'd still be friends after that.” he groaned through his fingers, miserable and frustrated.

“What's the other option, go back and just hope he doesn't murder you?” you threw your hands up, but he didn't see. You were just trying to help and he didn't seem to be able to think about this clearly. If someone you live with beats on you then you call the police, no questions asked.

“It's not like I have that many other options, okay Dave?” he snapped at you, pushing away from the table and standing. His arms fell limp at his sides and he looked somewhere between crying and punching the wall.

“Shit, calm down, we can figure something out.” you stood and nudged him closer to the chair, he sat without a struggle, even if he didn't look happy about it slumped in the chair.

“There's nothing to figure out, those are my options and I kind of have to go with the one that leaves me a place to live.” he pushed you off when you tried to touch his shoulder. You had to take a deep breath before you started harping at him like some mother hen, because he was starting to frustrate you too.

“Don't you have family you can go stay with for a while?” you suggested.

“If I had family don't you think I'd already be there?”

“Okay... You could stay here until you find somewhere else to stay?”

“Fuck, Dave, stop it. I fucking meant it when I said those were my only options. I don't have other friends and I don't have money, I've got nothing so don't call the cops and just shut the fuck up. Next time he'll just kill me and I won't be anyone's problem anymore.” he shouted it at you and actually reached out, shoving you away from him once he was done. You nearly shoved him back as a knee jerk reaction before you caught yourself. He was angry at you when you had done nothing but be reasonable and it was hard not to get frustrated at that. He looked like he was trying to be angry but couldn't get past his desperate sadness, and it helped you take a deep breath and not smack him.

You had no idea what to do next. He was hunched over your table, arms wrapped around himself and this close to flipping out. You couldn't blame him, not really, his situation really sucked, and you didn't have any easy answers for him. None of the options available to him were terribly good, and all that heaped on top of the fact that he was probably sore and achey.

Eventually you sat across from him again, there wasn't much else to say. It was probably the longest few minutes of your life, sitting there speechless. You weren't usually stricken without the inability to draw up conversation, any conversation.

“Do you want to stay?”

“What?” he didn't lift his head, but there was still an edge to his voice.

“Here, do you want to stay?”

“What are you even talking about?” 

“I'm saying if you want to live here you can stay.”

He actually lifted his head. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were open, blinking erratically. His mouth was set in a small pout.

“I can't live here.”

“Why not?”

“Because I've got fuck all to offer you in return.” he gestured to himself. You hadn't thought this all the way through, but for now it sounded easy enough. You had enough money to support yourself, and having another person around wouldn't put too much strain on your wallet. 

“So? I've got rent covered on my own anyways.”

“I can't ask you to do that Dave.” he sighed and rested his forehead in his hand. At least he seemed done being angry. 

“You didn't ask anything, I offered. Besides, I get lonely in this little shit hole apartment.”

He cracked a small smile, though he looked like he was fighting it. He deserved to have someone being nice to him, you didn't know him well enough yet, but you got the distinct feeling that he didn't have anything to look forward to. 

“You don't have to decide yet, just hang out and think it over for a while.”

“I'll think about it.” he sighed and sat back in his chair, closing his eyes and shaking his head. 

You found yourself strangely exhilarated at the idea of having him as a roommate. You'd only known him shortly, but somehow you felt closer to him than you would expect. Maybe it was the hours of internet research, but somehow he seemed like he needed someone's help, and you wanted to try being that person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best chapter T_T; I wrote a lot if it while I was tired from AUSA, next one will be better?


	4. Chapter 4

The first few hours of you trying to find some sort of entertainment for a blind person were abysmal. You didn't want to outright ask what he did all day, but at the same time you had nothing. You ended up narrating Uncharted 3 for him, which he seemed fine with. You both talked a lot about video games, but it got awkward and quiet when it was mentioned that he couldn't play them anymore. Past that, he had played just about any game you could name.

You lent him a pair of your clothes to wear for the day, which prompted the conversation about going back to his apartment. Or, as it were, his friend's apartment where his stuff was. He didn't seem especially keen on the idea of going back at all, so you let it drop for the time being. You didn't really blame him, it could wait. You didn't mind sharing your clothes with him, they were a little too big but all his clothes here had dried blood on them until you could get out to the laundromat.

You both spent the day on your sofa, wasting time and getting comfortable. You didn't have any work until Friday so you had a few more days to piss around until then, which was nice. Sollux still called you a weirdo sometimes, or rolled his eyes when you said something that could be construed as flirting. You'd even feel a pang of guilt when he pointed it out, reminding you that you were an asshole and should just leave him alone.

That night he started out on the couch but wandered in to your bedroom early in the night, complaining that his toes were going to start falling off. You couldn't remember exactly what you said back but he laughed and slipped into your bed, throwing the second blanket over both of you. 

You moved over to give him room and he curled up next to you under the blankets. He was shivering and you moved a leg over until it touched his icy feet. He made a small hum and went to move away but you chased after his legs with your own. 

“The fuck Dave.” he groaned and got you in the head with the flat of his palm.

“Wow ungrateful.” you grabbed his hand and halfheartedly threw it back in his direction.

“Am I supposed to thank you for pushing me off the bed?” he pulled at the covers, uncovering one of your legs.

“Try sharing body heat you slimy bitch.” you grabbed the blanket and rolled, taking it all back. Still, you were smiling, this was fun.

“Oh my god that's so gay.” he poked you in the back of the neck with cold fingers and you squirmed.

“You're gay.”

“Quit it with the terrible comebacks already, I didn't come in here just to donate a blanket.” he was feeling around your back for a corner of the blanket.

“What's the magic word?”

“Holy shit Dave I'm seriously about fly off the handle, it's so cold.” he gave you a shove that succeeded in rocking you on the bed.

“Close enough.” you sighed, unraveling the blankets from around you.

“Finally, Jesus.” he tugged on the blanket and took his half, falling down onto the mattress next to you with a huff.

“This place really is a shit hole.” he muttered, settling on one of your pillows.

“You love my shit hole.”

“Oh my god, Dave no.”

“I didn't even mean that one, at least not the way you just heard it.” you were feeling all giggly and awake now.

“Right.” he sighed and his knee knocked yours, this time letting your legs touch without moving away.

You could see him a little bit in the dim light, with the street lights outside and the blinds open casting a minimum of light. He was facing you, curled up with one of your pillows and your shirt wrinkled around his shoulders. It had been a long time since you'd had someone else sleep in the same bed with you, and you'd forgotten that it could be kind of nice sometimes.

You watched him for long enough that it could be considered creepy, but his breathing slowed and he relaxed into your bed. You found yourself wondering if he was going to be okay. You had no idea what kind of help he needed, or if you were capable of giving it. For now all you had to offer was half a bed and cheap food, but you didn't think you had resources for much more than that.

You had invited him to live with you today, making the decision within a few minutes. There was a tension in your gut, but you couldn't be sure if it was fear or excitement. Bro had never really taught you to be charitable to anyone that needed it, neither of you had much with just the two of you, so there was never room to give things away. You always ignored bums, avoided those Christmas bell ringers, and hung up on charity calls. 

This had to be different though, you weren't offering to some nameless organization, you were choosing to help one person. If you were in his situation you would want the same thing, for someone to give a fuck, even just for a little bit.

You reached out and pulled the blankets up to his ears and he muttered something quiet and unintelligible, breathing into your pillow. He was nice, and you would have regretted it if you didn't try to help him. It would have been something you would have looked back on and wondered if you did the right thing. At least you could say you tried this time. You didn't remember falling asleep.

The next morning it took you far less time to determine that your pillow was alive. Mostly because it was trying to extricate itself from your grip. Before you had a full grasp on your situation you cinched your grip around the warm thing and it fell back next to you with a quiet 'oof'.

“Will you get your grabby octopus limbs off already?” Sollux muttered quietly.

“No.” you spoke in to what you though was his shoulder blade, but may have been some sort of coat hanger. Guy was bony.

“Oh my god you're awake and you're still doing this?” he twisted in your grip and got an elbow in your neck.

“What's wrong, don't like a little spooning?”

“I'm about to pee on you.”

Instantly relinquishment, you didn't need to be squeezing a guy's bladder like that. He actually laughed at how quickly you let him go and stood, heading for the door. He tripped on your pants that you left on the floor but managed to stay upright and shuffle to the bathroom.

To your surprise he actually stumbled back in a few minutes later and tumbled back on your bed. You tossed half the blanket back over him and he curled up with a small hum.

“You wanna go get some stuff today?” you folded one arm under you head.

“What?”

“From your apartment, just some clothes and shit.” you tried to sound like you were bringing this up in passing.

“Oh, that.” he let out a huge sigh, rolling on to his back and running a hand through his hair. 

“Yeah, I guess.” he blinked his eyes open and directed them at the ceiling. You hadn't gotten used to them yet, every time he opened his eyes you expected to see something... more normal.

“What about talking to the police?”

“Ugh, it's too early for this bullshit.” he dragged the blanket up to cover his face. You laid next to him while he buried himself under your blankets. This was starting to feel like abnormal pillow talk, could you just go back to spooning?

“Fine.” he finally groaned, quiet and muffled from under the blanket. He let his arms fall limp outside of the blanket and you reached over to pat where you thought his chest was under the blankets.

“I think that's the right thing to do.” you sounded like a sap.

“Fuck you and your morals.” he just sounded bitter.

“Geez, ornery today are we?”

“Donkeys are ornery, I'm just out of fucks to give.”

That one was too easy to turn around on him, so instead you left him in bed to go have a shower and get dressed, when you got back he hadn't moved. Upon some inspection he fell asleep again, so you left him to it. He had some stressful things to get through later today, he could use a little more sleep.

After he was up and finished eating lunch it was time to get going. You bundled him up in one of your spare coats, it wasn't snowing but it was still pretty cold. You decided you would pick up his things first, bring them back, than take the bus over to the police station. You tried to keep from mentioning the last part to him since it seemed to put him off. He held on to your arm for the walk back to his apartment, but you could feel the tension rising in him when you were getting close.

“What are we going to do if Gamzee's still there?”

“I don't know about you, but I was planning to run away.” 

You dragged him up the three flights of stairs to get to his apartment, the building did not look any nicer from the inside. There was half finished marker graffiti on the walls, a few holes that looked suspicious in your book, and one door that looked like someone had taken an axe to it.

“Is that always like that?” you asked, stumbling down the narrow hall.

“How the fuck should I know what you're talking about?” he hissed.

“Oh, sorry.” you felt your face heat up.

He felt his way down the hall and stopped about halfway at one of the many doors. He tried the doorknob but it was locked, you were about to ask him for a key when he shoved it with his shoulder and it gave. What a shitty door, if someone with Sollux's build could force it open without a key.

It swung open but he immediately stepped back, leaning warily away. You peered inside, the lights were on and it smelled like old ramen noodles. 

“Anybody home?” Sollux asked, more to you than the seemingly empty apartment.

“You want me to go check?” you leaned in to look around the corner.

“No, I'll go have a look.”

You turned to look at him and his face was blank, as the silence drew on he pulled a nasty grimace and rolled his eyes.

“Fuck you, of course I want you to go check!” he threw his arms up and nearly got you in the chin.

You stepped inside to get away from him, he could get nasty when he wanted to be. He'd already nearly poked you in the eye about a million times, clearly he didn't have great spatial awareness just yet.

You did a quick sweep of the apartment, it was a little bigger than your place but a whole lot shittier. The walls looked like they hadn't been painted in thirty years, the ceiling was riddled with water stains, and you were pretty sure some of the items on the floor were starting to fuse with the carpet. It was a mess of boxes, magazines, old food containers, and just about every other piece of garbage you could imagine.

On top of that you could tell a decent number of items were disturbed by a scuffle. Piles of magazines were knocked over, a small smear of dry blood on the wall, doors left half open. A lamp was knocked over so you righted it and it helped light the dim room.

When you came back to the living room Sollux had made his way a few steps in the door, standing there with his arms folded around himself.

“Dave?” he was quiet.

“Yeah, nobody's here.” you around him and closed the door. He visibly sighed in relief, taking a few easy steps forward before walking around a pile of things and the couch. He looked more at ease with the layout of things here, even if it was in disarray.

You got out of his way and took your time looking around the place more carefully. Besides the fact that it might be mistaken for a garbage dump, it was bigger than your place. Amidst the mess you found Sollux's cane and went over to pick it up, unfortunately it flopped in half when you did. You turned to look at Sollux but he didn't seem to notice, picking his way across the room slowly.

You picked both pieces of his cane up anyways, but dropped one half when you figured out that the flaky stuff was dry blood. Your first thought was that it was Sollux's, but you realized it would make more sense if it were the other guy's. A walking cane wouldn't be so bad of a weapon. You grabbed the dirty half by the other side and dropped it on the couch.

You turned to check on Sollux and he was kneeling on what you could now identify as a mattress in one of the corners. He seemed to know his way around, dragging clothes out from beside it and tossing them in to a small pile next to him.

“Need help?” 

“Do you see a backpack around here?” he asked, continuing to build his little pile. You had no idea how much stuff in here was his, but you hoped most of it wasn't. Most of it looked like garbage anyways.

You found a duffel back under the coffee table and tossed it over to him and he started putting his things in it. It was mostly clothes, though they didn't look too clean. He threw a few electronics in, a beat to shit looking computer, and a book with thick embossed letters on the front: 'Learning Braille'. You continued inspecting the apartment while he worked. The kitchen was a mess, and not just the dirty dishes. There was a number of plates and glasses broken on the floor, two chairs were overturned and the fridge was open. You closed it, though anything in there would have been ruined by now.

Clearly nobody had been here since the other night, but the begged the question of what exactly had happened with his roommate and the juggalo. It crossed your mind that something horrible might have happened to his roommate if he wasn't here, but you didn't voice your concerns.

When you returned to the living room he was sitting on the mattress still, slumped and defeated looking. He'd found the silly anaglyph shades you'd seen him in at the dance club and put them on, but he was just sitting still, no longer filling the duffel.

“Is that seriously where they had you sleep?”

“Can't complain about free.” he shrugged. He sounded legitimately not upset about sleeping on a mattress in a corner, and somehow you found that incredibly sad.

“Need me to find anything for you?”

“Pretty sure that's it.” He zipped up the duffel bag, it still had a long ways from being full.

“Really?” you walked over and lifted the bag with ease, you had been ready for twice this much stuff, easily.

“You'd be surprised how much of your stuff isn't good anymore when you can't see it.” he stumbled off the mattress and to his feet.

“Oh, is my cane anywhere though?” 

“Uhh, yeah. It's a little broken.” you walked around the couch and dropped the duffel, picking up the two halves of his cane.

“How broken is 'a little broken'?” he followed after you and you put both halves into his hands.

“Oh...” 

“We can just get you another one.” you reached out to take it from him.

“No, I can just fix this one.” he pulled away from you, clutching the two pieces and working on finding the broken ends.

You didn't have the heart to argue with him about it right now. So far this escapade was depressing and exhausting, and you hadn't even made it to the police station. He only had the one bag, maybe you should just take care of that now without going back to your apartment first.

“Put it in the bag, let's get going.” you put the broken cane into the bag for him and zipped it back up. You picked up the duffel and he followed you out of the apartment, closing the door behind him without turning out the lights.

He didn't ask where you were going when you took him to the bus stop instead of home, just sat on the bench when you led him there. It was another ten minutes before a bus was due, but that wasn't so bad. You sat next to him, crowding against his side, it was pretty cold out.

“Should I be worried about Karkat?” he said, unprompted.

“I don't know, should you?” that comment gained you an elbow in the side.

“Just mention it to the cops, they'll know what to do.” you reached a hand up and put it in the middle of his back, giving him a small pat. You weren't sure if you were half as comforting as you hoped, but you could imagine that being unable to see, it would be nice to feel something familiar.

“You know I used to be his best friend.”

“Hm?” you had to lean closer to him, he was speaking so quietly.

“Karkat, I was his best friend before Gamzee.” his expression was carefully directed towards the ground.

You didn't know what to say, that was awfully personal information he was sharing.

“He picked a fucking psycho over me.” he sounded less angry and more bitterly disappointed.

“A dangerous one apparently.” you kept your hand on his back, he was warm.

“Heh, you don't even know. When we were in school there were these two kids in our grade that died in an 'accident' on a camping trip.” he stopped to add the air quotes before folding his hands in his lap.

“Nothing was ever proven but everyone pretty much thought Gamzee was involved. I'm pretty sure Karkat knew what happened but he'd never talk about it.” he gave a stiff shrug.

“Holy shit so you weren't joking when you said he might be a serial killer.” you craned your neck to look around. If you didn't like this neighborhood before you certainly didn't like it now, there might be a murderous clown skulking around.

“I don't know, kind of joking? Who really knows what happened.”

“Sounds pretty convincing to me.” you reached up and brushed a little hair on his neck before you realized what you were doing. There were small crescent moon shaped marks on the back of his neck, fingernails. You felt a little sick to your stomach.

He turned his head towards you, his glasses were light enough that you could see his eyes through them. They were directed towards you and his breath came out in small clouds between you. He was so vulnerable and you hadn't even been able to see it until now. You'd been bullying him to do things that you thought were right, but maybe he felt like he owed you these things.

“You don't have to do this if you don't want.” you said and lifted your hand off of him. 

“What?” his eyebrows drew together.

“Go to the police, stay with me, anything. I don't want to make you do shit you don't want to do.” you spoke quickly, unable to slow your pace, it felt like panic.

He turned away from you, facing the street like he was looking across it. He shuffled his feet and took a deep breath, not speaking.

“I just realized maybe I'm making you do this stuff and that's not cool. If you wanna just go do... you know, whatever, that's fine. I don't want to make you go do something that you don't want to.” it felt like word vomit, just have to fill this awkward cold silence.

“Will you shut up already?” the corner of his lips quirked up just a little, and you were having heart palpatations.

You expected him to go on but he didn't, he just let the silence draw on. Eventually the bus came and you paid for both of you before dragging him up the stairs to get on. The bus ride was similarly quiet, but he didn't seem upset or angry, more amused. You were dying, this quiet was awful but he'd told you to shut up, so maybe there wasn't anything else to say.

You got off at the stop a block away from the police station.

“Still good with this?” you couldn't help yourself, you had to get some kind of confirmation.

“Jesus, I'm fine, lets go already it's fucking cold out here.” he shook his head and took your arm.

You had never actually been to the police station, but it wasn't quite like the movies. It looked more like the DMV to be honest. The secretary behind the desk was helpful and in short time you were brought around to an officer's desk.

Sollux seemed nervous but he let go of your arm when you both sat across from the officer. He was very nice about everything, asked a lot of questions and wrote everything down. You wrote out Sollux's account of what happened when technically he was supposed to be the one doing that. 

He was surprisingly clinical about it, you were ready for a distraught scary story but he was calm. He described how he had thought he was alone in the apartment, and when Gamzee spoke it wasn't like he normally did. He explained that Gamzee was usually laid back and quiet, but he had screamed at him and tried to grab him by the neck. He told how he got away from him in the kitchen, but was followed and Gamzee knocked him down and hit him, with what he didn't know. His explanation of finding his cane and hitting him before making it out the door and down stairs was calm and carefully explained.

The whole story was all a little muddled, but that had more to do with the fact that he could only vaguely describe the series of events, based on what part of the apartment he had been in. It was a short story when he couldn't do anything more than explain his side of the story. He couldn't tell them much about Gamzee, and unfortunately they did have to write down that he couldn't accurately confirm who it was that assaulted him. You arranged his hand and let him write his own signature at the bottom of the page.

You waited at the desk with the duffel bag while the officer led him somewhere down the hall, he said they needed to take pictures of the bruising as evidence and he didn't want to do it in a crowded room. They were back a few minutes later and Sollux touched your shoulder when he sat down. You had to wait around for a bit more paperwork and leave them with your cell number before you could finally leave. They promised to keep you updated on any progress on your way out.

The bus was waiting for you at the stop when you came back and you both rushed on. It was a long ride back to your apartment and Sollux sat with his eyes closed, leaning forward. You weren't sure if he was sleeping or just resting, but you left him alone. He stood when you took his arm and lifted his bag for him. You had to catch him falling off the last step of the bus, but you were pretty much expecting that. His face was red when he mumbled an apology and he looped a hand around the bend of your elbow.

You were used to leading him around at this point and he seemed relaxed about it, his shoulder brushing yours occasionally. You dropped his duffel by the couch when you got back to the apartment and he let go of you.

“I'm going to go sleep.” he walked around the couch without aid, only bumping the back, heading for your bedroom.

“You going to be hungry for dinner soon?”

“Nah, I'll just eat whenever I wake up.” he disappeared down the hall without another word and you let him go. You didn't relish in the idea of him missing meals when he looked the way he did, but what were you, his mom?

He left the door to your room open and when you went to check on him you found that he only got one of his shoes off before falling in to your bed. He was only half covered, face down in your pillow. You picked up a few things off the floor and tossed them in your closet, extra shoes, dirty clothes, empty bags. You had noticed in the other apartment that there were definitive paths, and it made sense, you'd seen him trip over every little thing that you would leave in the middle of the floor.

When you were done you sat on the edge of the bed and worked off Sollux's other shoe, dropping it at the foot of the bed. He pulled his foot under the blankets when you were done, lazily shifting. You closed the door behind you on the way out, leaving him to sleep.

Later that evening he emerged again, looking better but still a little pale in the face. He kept his eyes closed and his hair was sticking up. Your sweatshirt was hanging off one of his shoulders and he came up behind the couch, leaning his elbows on its back.

“You want some pizza?” you asked, leaning back to look at him.

He nodded and you stood to go get your laptop. You grilled him about what he wanted on the pizza but he wouldn't give you specifics, just vague grunts and 'whatever's. You ended up ordering peperoni and he sat next to you on the couch, resting his feet on the coffee table. The pizza came twenty minutes later and you were about to ask him to get the door before you thought better of it.

You watched Lake Placid on TV while the both of you ate pizza, and you definitely ate more than your fair share. Between chewing you narrated what was happening in the movie, and he seemed to find it pretty amusing at least. He was still subdued and quiet, but you didn't prod him about it, he had a lot to think about right now. He probably just needed a good night's sleep and he'd feel better about everything tomorrow.

Between the two of you the pizza was gone pretty easily and Sollux laid back on the sofa with his head back and his eyes closed. You stopped narrating and he stopped responding, long enough that you thought maybe he was asleep again.

“Sollux?” you said, loud enough that it wasn't a whisper.

“Hm?” he didn't move.

“Just wondering if you were awake.” you fought the heat rising to your cheeks, but he couldn't see it anyways.

“...Dave?”

“'Sup?”

“Thanks, for being so cool about everything.” he shifted, letting his feet drop off the coffee table.

“Are you kidding? I'm always cool.”

“Spooning an unwilling partner is pretty uncool.” his lips quirked just at the edges.

“Whatever, I was the big spoon, so still cool.”

“Lame.” he reached out and hit you in the chest with the back of his hand.

He followed you to your bedroom that night instead of trying the couch again. It felt a little strange and domestic, but kind of nice. One of your pillows was starting to smell like him, and he didn't apologize every time his toes touched your leg.

You kind of wanted to lean over and give him a kiss good night, like Bro did when he thought you would be too young to remember. Instead you fell asleep listening to the sound of his even breaths, content with the knowledge that you weren't alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, thanks for the comments everyone, I really appreciate it! ^^ I got this chapter out in pretty short time I think!
> 
> (haha what is that random word count)


	5. Chapter 5

“Did you just take a picture of me?”

“Maybe.”

“Not cool, delete it?” Sollux frowned, sitting forward on the couch and folding his legs underneath him.

It wasn't the first time you had taken his picture, just the first time that he'd noticed. You hadn't had anyone living with you for a long time, and you found yourself wanting to take pictures all the time. When Bro had first given you the camera and you took to photographing him around the house he responded in kind with the smuppets, effectively killing any photos you took at home.

Normally you had to get one of your friends down to visit, then drag them to the park for pictures if you wanted a model. But now, Sollux was sitting there all the time and you'd taken to dragging your camera around again. You might have even taken a few pictures of him sleeping, but that was a completely normal thing to do, it was... the lighting, was good that night. Whatever, he would never know, every picture was just a blank piece of paper to him.

“No can do, it's film. That shit's immortalized forever.”

“Jesus.” he wiped a hand over his face. The bruises on his face were mostly gone, just faint green smudges, and soon there wouldn't be any evidence of what happened to him. You hadn't heard anything from the police, which wasn't a huge surprise, but you still found yourself double checking the door locks at night.

“What's wrong, don't want me taking glamor shots of your pretty little face?” you stood and patted the top of his head on the way past him. He had gotten more comfortable with you touching him, and didn't always swat at your hands when you did it these days.

“You're being creepy again.”

“You're letting me be creepy.”

He didn't argue with that and you could feel a swell in your chest that maybe he didn't really think you were creepy at all. Maybe he actually kind of liked you.

“All my friends live too far away, I don't have anyone else to take pictures of.” you sat next to him on the couch with a bottle of water, putting your camera on the coffee table.

“Yeah well... next time ask first, asshole.” he folded his arms over his chest.

“Oh shit, is that you agreeing to model for me?”

“I said no such thing.”

“Don't worry, you can pay off your share of the rent here with your body.”

“Oh my god.” he reached out and shoved you, getting you mostly in the neck but he was laughing.

He asked to see your camera and you put it in his hands, moving his fingers over the various functions and explaining them. It was old enough that it had no extra functions, just manual controls and the film. It was a super hipster thing to have, but it still meant a lot to you. It was one of the best things Bro ever gave you, and you'd had it most of your life at this point.

You set it up and let Sollux take a picture, which in hindsight was pretty dumb, but he laughed and took it anyways. He held it up and out, facing towards the two of you, and clicked the button. It was a myspace angle, and probably ridiculously out of focus, but you actually smiled for it. You didn't like taking pictures of yourself, but nobody else was going to see this anyways.

“It'll be a masterpiece, I'm sure.” you took the camera back, advancing the film and setting it back on the coffee table. At least now you could take pictures of him with his knowledge and consent.

\---

It had been another week and Sollux was still staying with you. Neither of you had brought it up, and life went on as normal. You discovered that although you both had a mutual disdain for reality television, it was one of the few things that needed very little narration. He left most of his stuff in the duffel by the couch, and you didn't pressure him to unpack.

He followed you to the laundromat and you both sat and ate ice cream while you were waiting, but it made both of you too cold so you sat with your shoulders touching in front of the dryers. He tried to help you fold clothes, but most of the time he couldn't figure out what kind of garment he was holding and it ended up in a lumpy folded pile. At least he had his own clothes and they were clean now. Most of the blood came out of his clothes from the week before, all that was left was a faint brown outline that could have been anything.

You both got used to sleeping in the same bed, and he never complained. About half the time you would wake up with your arms around him, and wracked your brains trying to figure out how to stop yourself from doing that in your sleep. Sollux teased your mercilessly about it, but you didn't mind, you kind of liked it. 

One night it was storming outside and the noise was keeping you up. Sollux was still dead asleep, unfortunately on top of one of your arms, but you let him do it. It's not like he weighed that much anyways. You tried to get him to step on the scale once, purely out of curiosity, but he hit you in the chest and walked away. He seemed to have an idea that he was severely underweight, but had no desire to talk or do anything about it.

You just laid there, watching the flashes from strikes of lighting and counting the seconds until your window panes shook. There was a strike especially close and you could feel Sollux flinch. You rolled over to face him, he was on his back with your arm under the small of his back. You reached out and brushed his shoulder with your hand that wasn't dead asleep, but he jolted and drew in a gasping breath. You could just make out his eyes flashing open in the dark room before he sat up and released your arm.

He curled in on his knees and brought both of his hands up to his face, his breathing was harsh and uneven. He looked small folded up on top of your bed, hiding his face.

“You okay?” you asked quietly but he jumped, twisting a little to face you.

“Shit, you're awake?”

“Sorry, think I woke you.”

Before you could say more he threw the blankets off and left towards the bathroom. You waited for him to come back but when he never did you got a little worried. When he'd been gone almost ten minutes you shook off the blankets and shuffled down the dark hallway. It threw you off when the light in the bathroom wasn't on, but you remembered that he wouldn't have a reason to turn on the light.

You stood outside the door for a minute before knocking, it was quiet but you could hear a small sniffle from inside. You were wracking your brains, trying to figure out what he would be so upset about, what he might have been dreaming about. Eventually you worked up the courage to know on the door, if you couldn't sleep before you certainly couldn't after knowing he was possibly crying in the bathroom.

“Everything okay in there?”

You heard something get knocked over inside and a shaky fumbling.

“Ugh, fine, go away.” it was muffled through the door, but the low misery still came through.

You stayed outside for a long time, trying to think of what else to say to him, but there wasn't anything. If he didn't want to talk about it then he didn't have to. Even if you did feel like breaking the door down. Reluctantly you returned to your bedroom, leaving the door open behind you. You meant to wait up for him to come back, but fell asleep before you could help it.

You were ready to wake up the next morning with him lying on one of your arms, or his legs tangled in yours. Instead you woke up alone, and slightly chilled. When you were finally up and wandered towards the kitchen you found Sollux on the couch. He was sitting huddled up on one end, legs folded underneath him with his beat up old laptop resting on one knee.

His computer was on, but you could see that the screen was broken, flickering and cracked. It looked like part of it was taped back on, and it was missing a few keys on the keyboard. What was left on the keyboard was illegible, but after leaning over his shoulder to have a look you could tell someone had painted braille onto each key in something like white out. He had headphones plugged in with one ear bud in his ear. It looked like a rig that was about to fall apart entirely, clearly it had seen better days.

“Morning.” you offered and he half turned his head towards you.

“Hey.” his voice was deep, but you could see his face was clear. You were pretty sure that he had been crying last night, but there was no evidence on his face now.

“Hungry?”

“Nah.”

“Don't want pancakes?” you were trying to tempt him.

“I'm good.”

You stood behind him for a long few moments, a little baffled that he would turn down pancakes. You didn't know anyone that would do that. You went ahead and made them anyways, bringing him a plate but somehow he still refused them. To be honest it made you a little worried, maybe he just hadn't gotten enough sleep and wasn't feeling that great.

As the day wore on you got a little more worried for him, he didn't respond to any of your ribbing or taunting flirts. Usually you could at least get him to crack a smirk, but as it was you couldn't even get him to move. For a long part of the day you were wondering if you had done something to upset him, but there just wasn't anything. He didn't seem angry or upset at you though, just subdued, like something was weighing on his mind. You absolutely could not think of a way to broach the subject though without asking for a full out feelings jam, which you were pretty sure would push him over the edge towards angry.

You ambled around the apartment all afternoon, out of ideas for cheering him up and settled for just leaving him alone. Sometimes people just needed time and space, and although your apartment didn't offer much in the way of space, you could give him time. You worked on a few mixes in preparation for the work you had that night, it was just a shitty little bar but you had nothing better to do than make a good impression.

Sollux hardly moved from his corner of the sofa all day. It was difficult to tell if he was doing anything at all, there were long periods when he would sit still without typing or doing anything, then sudden periods of lighting fast typing. You tried asking what he was up to but he brushed you off, you tried to hide your hurt feelings.

“Do you want to come with me tonight? It'll be super boring alone.”

“I don't really want to go.” he was quiet and didn't move to face you.

“Really? You're going to leave me to go alone?” you were a little bit annoyed, you knew he didn't exactly have other plans.

“Fuck off already, I'm not going.” his voice held a slight edge that you weren't expecting, and unwarranted for your harmless questioning.

You dragged your laptop back into your bedroom until it was almost time for you to go. If he didn't want to be companionable you weren't going to stick around with him. It wasn't worth it if he was being an asshole about it, and you didn't deserve that. 

You were gathering a few things when you came back in to the living room and saw him again. Your resolve crumbled, you couldn't stay mad at him, even if he didn't look any happier than he had before. You almost asked him one more time if he wanted to come, but if he was going to snark at you again it was going to ruin your night.

“I'll be back late, need anything before I go?” you usually offered to do anything for him if you were going to be leaving him alone. He almost never took you up on it, and sometimes you could see the shift in his expression when you asked, but your concern over leaving him alone trumped his annoyance.

“I'm fine, good luck.” he sounded neutral and lifted a hand to wave at you. You wanted to go over and touch his hand or his shoulder before you left. 

“You be good now.” you hefted your backpack over your shoulder and toed into your shoes. You looked back in time to see Sollux shake his head and roll his eyes.

“What are you now, my nanny?” he grumbled, but seemed less than upset.

“Maybe if you're good I'll bring you something nice.” you couldn't help it, you approached him and ruffled his hair. He swatted your hand away but he was smiling, victory.

“Will you get out of here already?” he pushed your hand away and nearly knocked his laptop off his lap.

“What, no kiss goodbye?”

“In your dreams.”

“Only if I'm lucky.”

“Ugh, gross.” he laughed and you let him go, heading for the door, you really did have to get going.

Just as the door was closing you could hear a small 'bye Dave', but it was too late for you to open the door to respond. You were glad to have left on good terms, it would make your night much easier not to have to worry about him sitting alone and upset.

When you came back hours later you found all the lights in the apartment were still on, and Sollux was in the same place on the couch. His laptop had slipped off his lap and was resting next to him on the couch, and his head was reclined against the back of the couch. You approached quietly and found that he was asleep, his mouth hung open just slightly and his arms were wrapped loosely around his chest.

You checked the time and it turned out to be almost 3AM, not surprising that he was asleep after what you guessed was a severe lack of sleep the night before. He had probably just been tired and cranky before. It was already pretty cold in your living room, and when you touched his arm it was cool to the touch.

“Hey, Sollux.” you shook his arm a little and he stirred, taking a deep breath.

“Five more minutes.” he grumbled and turned away from you.

“Just moving to the bed, come on.” you hooked your arms under his and hoisted him to his feet. He grabbed a hold of your shoulder and stumbled before getting his footing. He blinked his eyes open, like he expected to be able to see you before sliding them closed. At first it had unsettled you when he opened his eyes, showing off the unnatural red and blue lenses of his prosthetics, but you were kind of growing to like it. Even if he couldn't see you, it was nice when he made it clear he was paying attention to you.

You slipped an arm around his chest and he didn't fight you, letting you lead him towards the bedroom with uneven heavy steps. He didn't bother putting his pajamas on, simply dropping off his pants and falling into your bed. You considered pointing it out to him but shrugged it off, too tired yourself to bother.

The next thing you knew you were waking up with the sun in your eyes, and rolled over nearly on top of Sollux. He shifted in his sleep but didn't wake, really your bed was just a little bit too small for two people. You lifted your head enough to see the time, it was pretty late already but you didn't have work until the evening. You sighed and snuggled back into your bed, throwing an arm around Sollux for comfort's sake, you could say you did it in your sleep if he complained when he woke up.

He woke you up almost an hour later crawling out of your grip, but you stayed, just watching him silently while he took short steps out of the bedroom. When he didn't come back you rolled out of bed and into the living room, not bothering to organize your hair or clothes first. What did he care what you looked like?

He was lying face down on your couch, his feet sticking in the air, clutching one of the pillows. The back of his hair was sticking up and you could see his lower back with his shirt riding up and most of his bare legs. He had little stick legs, and only in his underwear you could see the bones in his knees and shins that could cut.

“Morning.” you offered on the way past towards the kitchen, only getting a muffled 'mrph' in response.

You were halfway through a bowl of cereal when you heard your phone ringing from the bedroom. You had to hurtle embarrassingly fast through the apartment to get there in time, and dive across your bed to get to the nightstand and your phone. You could hear a quiet laugh from living room but had to ignore it to answer your phone.

“Hello?” you tried not to sound ruffled, but it was pretty much impossible this early.

“Hey Dave!” you could recognize that cheery voice just about anywhere, even through shitty phone reception.

“Sup John.” you scratched your hair and sighed, rolling on to your back. Here you were thinking this was an important call or something.

“Soo, what are you up to?” John sounded conversational and nonchalant, a good indicator that something was up, especially at this time of day. Most of the time your conversations were at midnight through skype.

“Not much, you know, party all night, froot loops in the morning.”

“Nothing important then?”

“No, why?”

“I was just wondering if you had time in your busy schedule to get me and Rose at the airport like you promised last month when we bought tickets. No big deal though, I know how important froot loops are to you.” he managed to keep up a sardonic tone of voice through his little speech, and you just laid on your bed cringing through the entire thing. 

Guilt curled in your gut like a live wire and you couldn't believe how dumb you were, so stupid. How could you forget? Before you invited Sollux to come live with you John and Rose both made plans to come visit you before Christmas. You had gotten so involved with having Sollux around it had completely slipped your mind that your sister and best friend were coming.

“Uh, yeah, those froot loops don't eat themselves.” you almost hit yourself in the face, that was such an uncool thing to say.

“Okay, well whenever you're done with that it might be nice if you could go fuck yourself. Or come get us, whichever is more convenient.” his thinly veiled annoyance was starting to show.

“Shit, yeah, on the way right now.”

“No, take your time, we're having a great time here. By ourselves. In a strange city.” on that note he hung up on you. It was a little hard to hate yourself any harder when clearly John was going to be doing most of it for you shortly.

You jumped into your clothes from last night, as much as you were pretty sure you needed a shower you weren't sure how making them wait any longer than strictly necessary would go over. Running a quick comb through your hair and throwing your shades on you jogged to the door. 

You'd nearly forgotten about Sollux who lifted his head when you grabbed your keys and started unlocking the door.

“So you might want to get dressed. Turns out I forgot that my friends are visiting this weekend and they're at the airport right now.”

Sollux frowned, clearly not awake enough for this.

“I'm going to be back in like, an hour probably. Sorry, I really have to go like right now though.” you gave him a few seconds to respond and when he gave you no indication he was going to do so you headed out the door.

You felt a little bad about running out and leaving him, but you really had to go. You spent a decent amount of what you had earned the night before on a taxi to the airport, but it cut the trip from forty minutes to fifteen. When you finally made it to the airport you found John and Rose sitting on their luggage on the curb, huddled in their coats. You got out of the cab outside of their view and jogged over. 

Rose noticed you first, giving a smug little smile and poking John in the arm. John had been wearing an expression of displeasure but as soon as his gaze landed on you he lit up. He bounced off his suitcase, nearly knocking it over and threw an arm around you as soon as you were in range.

“Glad you could make time for us today Dave.” Rose snarked from over John's shoulder.

“You know how it is, being famous.” that earned you a punch in the chest from John, that unfortunately kind of hurt.

“I can't believe you forgot about us!” John let go of you and shook his head. 

“I didn't forget, I'm just fashionably late. I arrived precisely when I intended.”

John and Rose's disappointment in you continued on for a few minutes until you started herding them towards the metro, it was too cold out for you to be sitting here arguing. Rose graciously let you carry her bags for her while John was nearly bouncing with energy. You could only imagine how Rose managed to sit next to him for an entire flight. Then again, she kind of signed up for that one.

“Also, I might have forgotten to mention that I have a temporary roommate right now.” you had done your best not to mention Sollux to either of them before. You didn't need Rose's 'professional opinion' and John couldn't keep a secret from her to save his life.

“Do tell?” Rose was immediately interested, folding her hands in her lap and focusing her direct attention on you.

“Just a guy I know, he needed a place to stay for a while.” you shrugged, trying to keep it nonchalant.

“Really? I was under the impression we were your only friends.” John smiled, but you could tell it was a backhanded compliment.

“Sometimes you guys just aren't enough for me, what can I say.”

“Well I look forward to meeting your only other friend.” Rose tipped her nose at you, and you should have warned Sollux about her. Come to think of it, maybe you need to warn them about Sollux a little.

“Also he's uh, he's blind.” there was a better way to put that, you just hadn't figured it out.

“Like, blind-blind? He actually can't see anything?” John chirped.

“No, the kind where you can see.” you left the pause for dramatic effect before elbowing John. “Of course he can't see anything, so you know, be considerate or whatever.”

“That's neat I guess, how'd you meet him?” John seemed more interested in looking out the windows, but you could feel Rose's gaze burning a hole into the side of your head. They made a good team this way, John could ask stupidly invasive questions while Rose could prey on the reaction. It was mildly distressing, if you didn't know John so well you would think she'd taught him to be like this for her benefit.

“You know, around. He was lost one day and I helped him out.” that was the best way you could put it without revealing yourself to be a weirdo that sneaked up on people in the park. Rose quirked a brow but you let it go, just ignore her she wanted you to flip or stutter. 

Before they had more time to grill you it was time to get off and walk the few remaining blocks to your apartment. John complained bitterly about the cold so you all walked faster, shortening the walk from ten minutes to just over five. Rose complimented the area your building was in and didn't offer to help any of you carry the luggage up the stairs.

Before, you had thought three people sleeping in your apartment was crowded, but doable. With four people you weren't quite sure how it was going to work, but you were probably going to have to sleep on the floor. Your tiny one bedroom apartment wasn't really suitable for more than two people to live in for any stretch of time, and even then it could feel pretty crowded. At least John and Rose were only going to be around for the long weekend so it was probably going to be fine, Sollux could have the couch, John and Rose the bed. That left you on the floor, but you could manage.

You took your time unlocking the door, hoping that you weren't going to come in and surprise Sollux. Hopefully he had gotten up and dressed instead of falling asleep on the couch again. You peeked inside first and found him sitting on the couch, fully dressed and looking awake. He was on his computer and looked up at you when the door opened. His eyes were open and directed towards you, you hadn't warned them about those, oh well. Hopefully John could contain himself, but you weren't going to hold your breath.

“Hey Sol, we're back.” you swung the door open and stood aside to let John and Rose in. John barged in first and dropped his luggage in the middle of the floor, leaving you and Rose to step around it before coming inside. You moved his bags to the side and closed the door, it might become a problem for Sollux if John was going to leave his things around in the middle of the floor. You were slowly training yourself to put away your shoes and not drop clothes wherever they fell on the floor. After the the first time you saw him fall on his ass because you left your shoes on the floor the guilt had trained you to be better quickly.

John wandered into the kitchen while Rose purposefully made her way over to Sollux on the couch. Sollux was still, hands resting on the keyboard but his attentions focused outwards. He looked vaguely forward at Rose when she stood in front of him, like he wasn't sure that's where she was.

“Hello, Saul is it?” she spoke quietly and Sollux lifted his head towards her face at her greeting. If his eyes bothered her she was good at hiding it.

“Uh, Sollux actually.” he looked a little uncomfortable, but not outwardly distressed.

“Pardon me, Sollux. I'm Rose, Dave's sister. I'd like to shake your hand.” she held her hand out, and at first it seemed excessively awkward that she'd just asked to shake his hand. When Sollux lifted his hand though and she gently took it in both of hers, giving it a short shake before releasing him, it seemed that would be the only way to politely do such a thing. Why hadn't you thought of that?

“I believe John is helping himself to Dave's food right now, perhaps Dave will introduce you?” she turned to you expectantly. She did it in such a way that pointed out that you hadn't introduced her either. This weekend could be very long indeed.

Introductions were had, at your own hand this time, and although Sollux didn't seem at ease with them, he didn't seem uncomfortable either. You'd make it up to him later somehow, after all he'd have to sleep on the couch in the cold living room for the next few nights. John, as always, was exuberant and at ease meeting Sollux. If only Rose could keep from psychoanalyzing Sollux all day and night this might actually work out okay. At least, until she figured out how attracted to him you were.

You tuned out of their conversation for a moment, internally dreading that moment. Rose had been with you your entire life, and you still couldn't be sure how she would react to something like that. What if she told you she didn't support you wanting to be with Sollux, would that change anything? Or that you really did need to back of, that someone in his position needed space.

There was about a 75% chance that at some point this weekend you were going to slip up and she would notice you longing for Sollux. All that was left was to prepare for that possibility and pray.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the kind of long time with no update, Thanksgiving was so hectic, and I actually lost power Thanksgiving day and internet didn't come back until a later date x_x 
> 
> Anyways! :)


	6. Chapter 6

“You look happy.”

“What?”

“In this picture. It's a little different, but still good I think.” Rose had been sorting through a stack of your prints, you threw them at her when she wouldn't stop telling you about her latest writing endeavor. You didn't usually do anything with most of your prints besides throw them in a box, so often times you forgot about what was in them. It wasn't like you were going to put them in a gallery one day, you just liked taking them.

Rose had procured the single copy you had printed of the photograph Sollux took last week. It wasn't very well framed, cutting off the tops of both of your heads, and it was just enough out of focus to be no good. Despite that, the reason you had printed it was how genuine both of your faces were. You were actually smiling with amusement, leaning in to Sollux's side while he had a twisted little smirk. You thought you had put this photo in the hidden box under your bed, the one with the photos of Sollux; but here it was, in your box of random photos and now in Rose's hands.

“Did he take it?” she asked, carefully holding it at arms length and stretching away when you reached out to grab it from her.

“Yeah, I told him to take one.”

“It's cute.” she gave you the side eye before delicately handing you the print which you fumbled before dropping it back in to the box.

“It's not even in focus.” you deflected, trying not to give her the satisfaction and let her know that you actually liked it too.

“You should frame it, there's something really very nice about it.” she reached back in the box and set it out on the coffee table before going back to sorting through the pile of prints still in her lap.

You remembered printing it and considering throwing it away, but finding yourself picking it up and studying it instead. There was something very genuine about it that you couldn't manage in most of your photos. It wasn't artistic or careful, but looking at it made you twist your hands together. Sollux's natural state showed something tired in him, something that you could sometimes get past with a joke or some ribbing. So many of the photos you had taken of him he looked worn out, a somber old soul. This photo was closer to the few you had seen of him on facebook when he had Feferi under one arm, simple and happy.

Maybe you would frame it.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack, sorry for the short chapter, and horrible art OTL My forte truly is not with a pencil. (I hope it shows up... if it doesn't, I'm working on getting it back up)
> 
> Also! Thanks to Kira for the wonderful art based on chapter 2! I just love it :)
> 
> http://kirayamidemon.tumblr.com/post/36546406936/cant-a-guy-have-a-vested-interest-in-a-dude-he


	7. Chapter 7

It was so cold. What was wrong with your apartment that it got this cold out in the living room? It was possible that part of the problem was that you really needed to invest in a few more blankets for your place. Even so, you were going to blame it on the shitty building.

With Rose and John sharing your bed, and Sollux on the couch, that left you on the floor in front of the couch. Trying to be the bigger man, you let Sollux have one of the two blankets in your apartment, leaving John and Rose with the other one, but all that was left for you was some sheets and your winter coat. You kept rolling over, trying to find a slightly warmer spot on the floor, but it was no use. It was going to be a really long night, there was no way you were going to fall asleep when you were this cold.

“Dave...” it was a quiet whisper from just above you, Sollux sounded tired. You clicked your phone to check the time; just past midnight.

“Hm?” you sat up and his hand reached down from the couch, hitting you in the chest.

“Fucking cold, get up here.” his fingers curled around the front of your coat and pulled you generally upwards.

“Why Mr. Captor, are you inviting me to sleep with you?” you were joking, but you were already depositing your sheet on top of Sollux's blanket. You sat on the edge of the couch next to his laid out form, glad that he had taken pity on you.

“Shut up and get in here.” he lifted the edge of his blanket and you squirmed under, sighing at the warmth he had built up. The couch really wasn't big enough for two people to lie on comfortably together, and he ended up crushed into the back of the couch with your knees knocking and cold toes touching. Thankfully his feet seemed just as cold as yours, so you weren't making him any colder either.

“Are you wearing your coat?” he mumbled sleepily and you could feel his warm breath brush your neck while his hands touched at the buttons of your coat.

“Are you kidding? I'd have died of hypothermia by now if I wasn't wearing it.” you shuddered and threw an arm over him, relishing in the warmth. This was so much better than the floor, if only for the warmth, but the company was great too.

You froze when you felt his hands working at the buttons on your jacket before opening the front. He sighed and slipped his arms under your coat and up against your sides, shifting closer to you on the couch. You tried to relax with him pressed up against you, breathing into your neck.

“Sollux?” you spoke quietly, working to keep your voice from shaking.

“Mm.” he hummed into your skin, making you shiver. If this was awkward for him he was good at hiding it.

“Are... are we good? Like this?” stupid, what a stupid thing to say. It seemed like most of the time he tried to avoid being in positions like this with you, so it was throwing you off when he was the one putting you in to them.

“S'good, warm.” he shifted a little to get comfortable and you felt his fingers touch at your shoulder blades, cold.

You were seriously going to have to remember to get up before Rose or John tomorrow.

\---

Neither of you said anything about the incredibly close quarters that you both slept in last night, it would have been difficult to bring it up with John and Rose hovering around anyways. As far as you could tell though, Rose didn't suspect a thing.

It was too bad though that John and Sollux didn't get along well at all. It seemed to be some base level chemistry going on that they were entirely opposed to each other in a way they couldn't control. It didn't particularly bother you, and they weren't outright fighting, but they had nothing in common at all and many of their conversations ended in abrupt silence.

“So why are you blind?” John mused over breakfast like he was asking about the weather. You hadn't delved too much into the facts about Sollux in front of them, and it was kind of a personal thing for him. You didn't think it was your place to tell anyone, but now apparently that was going to come back to bite you in the ass. You should have known better than to not tell John.

Sollux shoveled a spoon full of eggs in to his mouth, keeping his expression blank and directed across the table at Rose. His eyes were open, but half lidded, almost bored. Both your and Rose couldn't help but turn your attentions to what Sollux was going to say. Really you should have been apologizing for John you supposed, but it was early. When nothing came from Sollux John leaned over the table.

“Sollux? I was wondering why you can't see?” John looked at you and Rose for help, but the both of you went back to being busy with your food.

Still no reaction from Sollux, it was difficult to tell if he was ignoring him or if he really was just super spaced out right now.

“Uh, hellooo?” John actually reached forward to wave a hand in front of Sollux's face, which he jerkily retracted when the thought hit him: Sollux can't see that.

“Just leave him alone, okay?” you finally intervened when it was becoming clear that if you didn't Sollux might explode.

“Sorry, how should I know if it's that personal?” John wasn't being malicious about it, but it didn't make it any better. 

Before anything else could be said Sollux got up and left without another word, leaving half his breakfast on the table.

“Should I apologize to him?” John looked more confused than upset.

“I would leave him alone for a while, if I were you.” Rose finally added and you nodded in agreement, slightly annoyed on behalf of Sollux. John was your best bro and everything, but his lack of etiquette disturbed you.

The rest of breakfast was quiet.

\---

You made it halfway to the art museum before any of you realized that maybe you should have given Sollux the option of staying home. In knowing him you had since gotten better at not stepping on social landmines, but it was still a work in progress. He sat across from you, pushing his sunglasses up when the bus would jostle them down the bridge of his nose. He hadn't said anything to any of you while everyone was working to get dressed and ready to go earlier.

You made it all the way inside the museum before he started looking nonplussed. You were sure that at some point during the bus ride Rose figured out that bringing Sollux along was a major faux pas, but what was there to say at that point?

It was abundantly obvious when John came around to the idea that maybe there was nothing for Sollux to do at an art museum. Too bad it wasn't until you were all inside.

“Oh, Sollux, um... should we describe it to you or something?” John scratched his head and you had to fight the urge to slap your own forehead.

“Just go ask one of the guards if I can touch everything, that'll work.” Sollux knit his brows together and shook his head before giving John's general direction a choice finger. John frowned, and this was going poorly.

“Why don't you and Rose go look around, we'll go grab some lunch? I've seen everything here before anyways.” you put a hand on Sollux's shoulder and he turned to face you, working the frown off his face slowly now that John wasn't talking.

“That sounds great Dave, we'll meet up with you in a few hours?” Rose took John by the arm and took a step in the other direction, seemingly just as eager as you to separate the two.

“Yeah, take your time.” you arranged Sollux's hand around the crook of your elbow and he stepped closer to you, facing away from John and Rose while you waved them off.

John seemed confused but not upset to be leaving Sollux behind. It was a little disappointing to you that they couldn't seem to get along at all. Even if it wasn't realistic you kind of wanted your best bro to like the guy you were potentially interested in romantically.

You didn't say anything when leading him over to the cafe next door to the museum, it was a little early for lunch, and they had just opened so you were the only two people in there. He arranged himself across from you with a little help from his cane, sitting back in the chair with a sigh. The waitress put a menu in front of him, but he said nothing.

“Sorry you and John don't really get along.” you said it quietly from behind your menu, the silence was overbearing right now. Even if he couldn't see you, it was hard not to hide.

“It's my fault I guess, sorry. I just, need to be less...” he shook his head and hunched forward, suddenly devoid of the anger he'd had a few minutes ago.

“Dude, it's fine, really. He's just a derp sometimes, and I know you have a low tolerance for that kind of thing.” you were trying to pay more attention to the menu, but it wasn't like he could really tell. 

Sollux didn't say anything, just sat hunched over with his hands folded in his lap. He looked like he was beating himself up about it, and now you were the asshole for bringing up John. You were about to start reading him the menu when he just told you to order for him, it would be too awkward for you to read him the whole thing when no one else was around. It felt like he trusted you though, if he let you pick his food for him.

You kept talking to alleviate the pervasive silence around the place, talking but not saying much, though Sollux was subdued. He gave you a few crooked little smiles and nods, but kept his mouth shut for the most part. This was going to be a really long afternoon if things didn't pick up, because as it was you were getting close to giving up. There was only so long that you could try to keep an uplifting conversation going when he wasn't giving you anything to work with.

“Dave?” Sollux finally piped up, finished picking at his food while you were still eating. His head was angled towards you, and his glasses had slipped low enough on his face you could see some of his open eyes underneath. He still blinked, even if his eyes didn't need the moisture.

“What's up?” you swallowed the food that was in your mouth, surprised that he actually had anything to say.

“Why are you so nice to me?” he sounded like he was trying carefully to speak calmly.

“Huh?” it wasn't what you were expecting, such a broad question that had nothing to do with what was going on right now.

“Why do you do so much for me when I have nothing to give you in return?” he leaned closer to you across the table, resting his hands on the corners. 

“...Isn't that what friends do for each other?” it took you a bit longer to respond than you would have liked. In fact, most days you asked yourself the same question. So far that was the easiest answer you had come up with that wasn't 'I think I'm in love with you'.

“Yeah, maybe, but we weren't friends when you first met me, and you still wanted to help me.” his brows furrowed and he bit at the inside of his lower lip, directing all of his attention to you.

“...Okay?” you were at a loss, what did he want you to say here? Was he fishing for a specific answer?

“So why?” he was waiting for your answer.

“Why what?” you had no other answers to give him, and there wasn't a good way to figure out what he was looking for here.

Sollux sighed and pushed his glasses up to his forehead, rubbing at the bridge of his nose before letting them fall back in place.

“Could you not be like that?” his voice was exasperated.

“Be like what? I don't know what you're asking me here Sol.” you tried keeping your voice calm and normal.

“I'm asking-!” he snapped, but stopped to take a deep breath before continuing. “I'm asking what... fuck, I don't know what I'm asking.”

“What are you so upset about?” you reached across the table to touch one of his hands but he pulled it away. He sat silently for a long time, opening his mouth like he wanted to say something before shaking his head and directing his eyes around the room like he was looking away from you.

“I have to go.” he abruptly said after a time, pushing his chair back and nearly knocking it over when he stood. 

“Sol? Sollux?” you reached out to catch his arm but missed before he was out of your reach and on his way towards the door, knocking over a chair on the way.

“Wait a goddamned second!” you shouted after him just before the door closed behind him. You cursed and fished your wallet out of your pocket, dropping what you thought the bill would be on the table before rushing out the door. He was just turning around the end of the block when you made it outside, and you jogged to catch up to him. 

“Sollux! Hold on one fucking minute.” when he didn't stop or turn you grabbed the back of his jacket and yanked him back. He turned and swung at you, forcing you to let go of him and he nearly fell.

“Leave me alone Dave, just go find John and Rose.” his voice was bitter.

“Where the fuck are you going?” you were still struggling to sound calm, even though the panic was setting in that if he walked away now you wouldn't know how to find him again.

“I- wherever!” he shouted in your face when you caught one of his arms and he twisted out of your grip.

“Was it something I said?” your voice came out louder than you were intending.

“No!” he was shouting, but thankfully there weren't many people out yet, just a few pedestrians that crossed the street before getting to the two of you hashing it out on the sidewalk. It could have been a mugging or a lover's quarrel, depending on your view.

“Then what Sollux? Why are you running away?” you hissed, trying to hush him and get people to stop staring.

He visibly deflated, looking hurt but exhausted, and again you were left confused.

“Because, I just have to go, okay?” his voice cracked and he took two steps back from you, stumbling a little on the uneven sidewalk.

“But why?” you reached out towards him when he stumbled, but he stayed upright on his own and you gave him space.

A few beats passed and you swear to god you saw his lip wobble, your heart hurt. You reached out to him one more time, gently taking his arm and he didn't fight to get out of your grasp. He let you lead him down the block to a bench and push him to sit down on it. You stood in front of him for a long few moments in silence, this was all extremely confusing to you and you got the feeling that you were missing something.

“What's going on here?” you rand a hand through your hair and tried to get your heart to stop beating so hard in your chest.

He lifted his head slightly towards you, balling his hands together in his lap.

“I don't know.” he was quiet, back to neutral.

“Well that makes two of us.” you took a deep breath and sat next to him, close enough that your thigh brushed his.

“I really like you Dave.” 

You had been expecting minutes of awkward silence, not for Sollux to say something that gave you pause. Something that you had been hoping you would hear him say.

“I like you too.” you spoke quietly, glancing around to make sure that everyone who had seen you before dispersed. 

He had his head down like he was studying his knees, and he untwisted a hand to pull his sunglasses off. His eyes were closed and his cheeks were red, but it could have just been the cold weather.

“So... that's why I don't want to stick around and ruin shit for you.” he gave a twitchy shrug and scooted away from you, your heart stopped for a second.

“Why would you ruin my shit? Everything's fine.” you didn't move to follow him across the bench.

“For now.” he swallowed hard and pressed a hand to his eyes, rubbing them.

“Jesus, can you stop being so vague and noncommittal right now? Are you secretly a bandit on the run, because you can tell me.” you had to sound like you were joking or you were going to start yelling at him.

He didn't smile at your attempt at lightening the mood, instead shaking his head.

“I just don't want anything bad to happen to you Dave. You wonder how I don't have any other friends or family? It's because bad shit happens to everyone around me, and there isn't anyone left.” he wiped a hand down his face, and instead of coming out a melodramatic he was genuinely distraught. 

“What kind of bad shit?” you weren't sure you wanted to know too much about it, after you found out about Feferi it had taken you a long time to get the bad taste out of your mouth. It was a guilt that clung inside your gut, the kind that came from understanding just how tragic an accident was even when you weren't involved.

“You don't even want to know.” he folded his hands together again, and his knuckles were white.

“Can you tell me anyways? I mean, then I would be fully informed of any bad shit coming my way?” you leaned incrementally closer to him.

He lifted his head and swallowed hard, folding his arms around his chest. You didn't press him to say anything, he seemed to be having some internal battle about it, one of many apparently. You spent days wondering what kind of a crazy person went to sit on a park bench and freeze to death, and it was a person who had nothing left.

“Are you sure you even want to know?” he had a subtle frown on his face.

“Lay it on me, I'm all ears.” you did your best to sound like you wanted to hear it, maybe it was something he needed to tell.

“Well...” he lowered his voice and turned to face you, and it was strange and a little intimate. He spoke like he was ashamed, slow and halting.

“First it was my parents, I was young enough that I don't even remember them anymore, but there was a house fire. I was downstairs and got out of the house on my own, but didn't go get them, so they never woke up. They were my only family.” he stopped and you could see his knuckles flexing.

Okay that was pretty awful, but you had to keep up a strong face like it wasn't that bad. At the same time, jesus you couldn't play like his dead parents were no big deal. This was not the easiest conversation you had ever had.

“How young were you?” not the worst question you could stand to come up with.

“I don't remember anymore.” he was quiet, factual.

“Is that it?” 

“No, next was Aradia, she was my only friend as a kid. One time in middle school another girl in our grade told me to show her the river by her house because it was overflowing. It was just the two of us and I knew it was stupid but we went anyways, and Aradia fell in. I couldn't get her before she disappeared in the water.” he curled in on himself a little more, and you could feel the long stewing guilt rising off him.

“What else?” anything you could say to him would be a pity party, and these seemed to be things that he'd had balled up inside him for a long time now.

For the first time since he'd started talking his expression cracked into a grimace, showing you more feeling that just body language.

“My last girlfriend, Feferi.” his voice cracked when he said her name and he cleared his throat, moving to adjust his glasses on his face.

“What happened?” your voice came out quieter than you hoped, you didn't need him to tell you this. Just hearing her name made your gut clench.

“We worked at the same office, same as Eridan, that's how we all met. Just before the accident I got a ticket to go to one of the labs and fix s computer, and when I got there Feferi was the only one around. She was about to leave for lunch, but decided to wait around for me to finish instead.”

He took a shaky breath and released a cloud in an explosive sigh.

“Someone hadn't put some equipment away right, and it exploded. I was far enough away that it only got in my eyes, but Fef was... to close.” he took another shuddering breath and let it out slowly through his nose.

“And don't you dare fucking pull that bullshit line it wasn't my fault, because if she'd never met me she'd still be alive. All of them would be.” his voice was sharp all of the sudden, defensive.

You couldn't deny that had been what your first instinct had been to say to him, but it was a shitty cop out line, and no matter how many times someone said it to him it wouldn't make him believe it.

“So you're saying that some terrible accident is going to befall me eventually if you stay around?” you hat to take a moment to make sure your tone was as calm as ever, even if you felt like your head was spinning.

“Statistically speaking, yes.” he said, but it wasn't a joke.

“And what if I want you around anyways?” you almost cut him off, speaking out of frustration. You weren't even sure where the feeling came from, because by all accounts right now you should be drowning in pity for him.

“It's not even about that Dave. I just... I can't do it anymore, I can't love someone only to lose them again. I don't have it in me to even try anymore.” he frowned and faced you, like he was trying to read your expression.

“Well that seems a little unfair.”

“...What?” he was genuinely confused.

“It isn't all about you, what about what I want?” 

“I... what?”

“What if I don't want you to leave me? John and Rose are here now, but when they're not visiting I'm flying solo here.” it sounded lame coming out of your mouth, but you hoped it was what he needed to hear. Maybe you could get him to say he liked you again too.

“I didn't think about it I guess.” he mumbled.

“Would it mean anything if I promise not to spontaneously combust?”

“That's not funny.” he didn't smile, but he wasn't angry either.

“Sorry, you're right. You wanna get out of here?” you kept your voice light. Even though you were probably going to want to cry into your pillow tonight, for now you could push the other feelings down and try to get Sollux through this afternoon.

“Aren't we supposed to wait for your friends?” his hands relaxed, blood flowing into them again.

“Fuck 'em, they can figure out how to get back on their own.” you stood and guided him to his feet by his arm, he let you move him. 

“Does that mean we're done talking about this?” he moved his hand up your wrist and arm until he had your elbow, moving to your side like normal.

“Only if you're done thinking you have to leave or I'll die.” you tugged him closer to your side, relishing in the warmth against your side.

“...”

“Another time then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! x( With Christmas coming right up I have so much to do these days, I hardly have any time to myself where I'm not too exhausted to write!
> 
> Some little things that I didn't mention in the chapters specifically, but might be interesting to know:  
> -In chapter four, Sollux mentions two kids dying on a camping trip under 'suspicious circumstances' with Gamzee, those would be Equius and Nepeta.  
> -In this chapter Sollux mentions that a girl suggest that he and Aradia go to the river, that would have been Vriska.
> 
> Sorry everyone is dead in this AU OTL


	8. Chapter 8

Before you knew it you were bringing John and Rose back to the airport, Sollux even begrudgingly obliged and came along for the bus ride. John seemed sad to be going, even if the whole trip hadn't gone as planned. It had been nice to see them again after so long.

Having Sollux around this visit was different though, he just seemed to change things around your friends. But then again maybe it had something to do with the fact that you hadn't seen John or Rose in almost a year, and all of you changed in that time. It was hard not to grow apart when you didn't have time or money to see each other more often. People changed, and it made everything a little harder.

At least over the last few days they seemed to get over the fact that you managed to forget that they were coming. Even if Rose took the opportunity to needle you about it at every available opportunity. You were still fairly certain that she didn't know about you and Sollux. Or really, just you and your crush.

When it was time for your last goodbyes John and Sollux had a mutual 'sorry for being an asshole' conversation. You were glad to hear it, but remained unconvinced that it would change anything between them in the long run.

Rose gave Sollux a quick hug, surprising him and you could see him struggling to figure out where to put his hands. She mercifully released him before pulling you in for a kiss to the cheek.

“I hope we won't wait until next year to do this again.” Rose gave a small smile and picked up her bag.

“Maybe I'll come see you guys next time.” you gave a lame wave and fought the urge to wipe your cheek where you were fairly certain there was lipstick.

“Oh good, I'll make a note to leave you stranded at the airport for a few hours!” okay maybe John wasn't completely over it.

“Sollux, you would be welcome too of course.” Rose offered, drawing Sollux back in when he had been edging away to give you guys some space.

“Thanks Rose.”

“I mean that, I wouldn't want to... separate the two of you.” Rose's smile turned to a grin and she looked pointedly at you. Perhaps you hadn't hidden your desire for Sollux as well as you had hoped.

Sollux looked confused, but he wasn't witnessing the positively shit eating grin you were being served right now.

“Right, don't you have a plane to catch?”

\---

The first time you saw Sollux take out his prosthetic eyes you were sure your stomach was trying to escape from your insides. He had been poking at them all day and when you finally asked him about it he told you they probably needed cleaning. You were filled with questions at first, but managed to contain yourself long enough to revise your list of questions to something short of an inquisition.

You had been expecting something golf ball sized to squelch out of his eye sockets with a wet pop and bounce around the floor. You were incredibly relieved to find out that was not the case. He actually laughed at you when you asked if it was round. 

He didn't even go to the bathroom to do it, and you wondered why not until you realized he didn't exactly need a mirror. He took the blue one out first, pulling his lower eyelid down and unceremoniously poking one of his fingers underneath it. The small round of blue popped out into the palm of his hand and he curled his fingers around it before going to take the red one out. It was more like taking out a contact lens, except instead of having an eyeball underneath there was fleshy socket. It was a little gross, seeing a red inside of his eye sockets for a second before his lids closed over it, but not offensively so.

He didn't look much different with them out, just his eyelids were a little more wrinkled and sunken in. You brought him a glass to put them in when he tried to hand them to you, and he laughed at you for the second time, calling you a girl. The way you saw it, you wanted to handle those as much as someone's dentures, which was very little.

Even with the procedure of removing them done, you kept asking him about them. You should have looked this all up on the internet earlier.

“These aren't permanent ones, I'm supposed to get another fitting sometime.”

“When's that?”

“I don't know, I don't have an appointment.”

He dropped the conversation after that, but you had to admit you were suspicious that there was something he was leaving out. From experience you knew that he didn't take well to being pressured about these things.

\---

You got home late one night after a short stint at a shitty bar to find Sollux still up. The TV was playing the news and all the lights in the apartment were out. He was curled up on one side of the couch with his legs folded underneath him, leaning one elbow on the arm rest with his cheek in his hands. He looked tired.

“Hey, what are you doing up?” you dropped your stuff in the corner near the door, kicking it enough out of the way that he wouldn't trip on it later.

“Couldn't sleep...” he sounded far away and tired, his eyes closed.

“Gonna be up for a while?” you turned on the lamp next to the sofa and sat.

“...”

“Something up?” you finally asked, taking the remote and turning the volume down on the TV. Sollux didn't go to stop you.

“The police called while you were gone.” he spoke quiet and plainly, the kind of neutral that he was able to dredge up only when he was upset.

Your interest was piqued, you hadn't heard anything from the police since you visited the station when he first moved in with you. How long ago had that even been?

“Did they find Gamzee?” you sat forward and twisted to face him on the couch, turning the TV off.

“No.” his eyelashes shook like he wanted to open his eyes.

“What did they need?”

“You remember that guy, Eridan? You never met him, but you saw him once.” he folded his arms around his chest like he was cold, drawing his brows together.

“Sure, huge douchebag?”

“Heh, yeah, that one.” he gave a strained wry smile, and you were struggling to keep up with this situation.

“Well, he's dead.” his voice cracked and he cleared his throat with a sniffle, edging so he wasn't facing you.

“Oh no... sorry.” there was no way to be cool after calling someone's recently deceased friend a huge douchebag, it simply wasn't an available option.

Things had been going to well, you had been hopeful that maybe if Sollux had a healthy relationship with you he would start to feel better about the whole 'everyone I know dies' thing. This really wasn't going to help with that.

“That's not even the worst part.” he sounded like he almost choked on the words.

Your head was still spinning with bad thoughts, what else could there be?

“They wanted to know if I knew anything about him and the lab accident, or another one of our coworkers. They told me he was murdered yesterday.”

You leaned forward to get a glimpse of his expression, but he kept his head downcast, curled in on himself. It was hard to talk to him when he was upset, because he could keep out of your sight so well when he didn't have to look at you in return.

“I wanted to know what that had to to with the accident, and they told me they had been investigating Eridan. Apparently last week he confessed to setting up the lab equipment so it would explode, then set me up with a request ticket to be there when it happened. Feferi had told me one time that he was really jealous of me because he was in love with her too, but I never thought... anything of it.”

Your chest hurt, every time your heart beat it felt like it was slamming against the insides of your chest. You had never really gotten over reading what had happened to Feferi, even though you never knew her. This made everything so much worse.

“What am I supposed to do now Dave?” his voice wavered and he stayed facing away from you.

“Lemme get you something to drink.” you stood before waiting for his answer, making for the kitchen and the bottle of bourbon you had been saving for New Years.

“How is that supposed to help?”

“If you have enough booze either you'll forget or I'll think of something to tell you. Honestly, right now, I have no idea what to say, which is a rare fucking occurrence.” you were already getting glasses down from the cabinets and trying to find your corkscrew to get the wax off the bottle.

“Aren't you going to ask me to leave?” his voice only barely carried through to the kitchen.

“Why would I do that?” you stopped and stood in the door from the kitchen, able to see the back of his head from where you were.

“Because if I stick around you're doomed.”

“Dude, we're so not drunk enough for that kind of talk right now.” you threw some ice into the glasses and managed to get everything into your arms before heading back to the couch to deposit it all on the coffee table.

He took the overly full glass of bourbon that you offered him, making a face when he took a big sip. You sat close to him instead of on the other side of the sofa and he didn't object, letting your shoulders brush.

Eventually when the silence became overpowering you turned the TV back on. You were too scared to leave the TV on the news, not that every murder made the news, but you didn't want to take the chance that there might be anything about Eridan showing.

It was late, but you knew from experience that sleeping on this kind of thing wasn't the way to forget about it. Especially when Sollux was the king of terrible nightmares. You still hadn't gotten any indication from him what he had nightmares about, but they clearly haunted him deeply.

“Now I'm just dizzy and depressed, this isn't helping.” he complained three drinks in, but it didn't sound like a legitimate depressive complaint.

“Lightweight.” you elbowed him in the ribs and he squirmed, hitting you in the thigh.

“Fuck you, I just drank my weight in... what the fuck is this anyways?” his lisp was hard not to listen to, exacerbated by alcohol.

“Bourbon.”

“Fuck your bourbon, this shit is awful and you're awful.” he swallowed like he felt a little sick and you wondered if you shouldn't go get a trash can.

“Sorry my free booze doesn't fit your high standards.”

“Oh fuck, there's the crushing guilt.” he groaned out the words and lifted his knees, hunching forward and folding his arms on the back of his neck. You thought he was kidding, but after a pathetic whimper, no he really was suffering from crushing guilt right now. Now you're the asshole, again.

“Oh my god stop it already, I'm too drunk for these shenanigans.” you took him by the shoulders and forced him to sit back. His head hit the back of the couch with a dull whump.

His cheeks were red from the alcohol and his eyes were half open. You could see his eyelashes clinging together, just the traces of tears that tried to slip out. 

“What do I do now Dave?” he asked you again, voice rough and tired. You checked the clock and it was nearly 5AM.

“What do you want to do?” before you could contain it the words came out of your mouth, a smart mouth answer and definitely not what you were hoping for.

“Should I go?” he sniffled.

“Don't go.” you reached out and took hold of one of his sleeves before hooking your arms around one fo his, like that could make him stay with you.

“What about you?” he stayed still, letting to take hold of his arm.

“I want you to stay.” you said before you had time to dwell on it.

“Why?”

“Ohhh god, it's the conversation from hell. I know we said we could do this another time, but I'm not ready.” you groaned, rolling on your side and huddling against his arm. He left it limp in your grasp, a warm weight for you to curl over. It made you feel small, like when you used to hold Bro's hand.

“You know I lost my brother, he was my only family too.” you were talking before the words could make their way through your brain first.

“Tell me.” he said, his voice neutral again, but tired.

“He was 17 years older than me, I still don't know what happened to our parents, but he raised me instead. It was kind of a shitty way to grow up, but whatever. He always used to collect and carry around these huge fucking knives, like he was Croc Dundee or something. I told him it was stupid, but he was sure that if he ever got mugged he could take them.” even with the amount of alcohol in your system you had to swallow around the lump in your throat. You could tell yourself it was just your gag reflex tomorrow.

“I never finished college because my second week I got a call. Stupid motherfucker got mugged and they got him with his own knife, right in the chest. It's been a long time now though, I'm over it.” you had told the story enough times that you could say you were over it without your lips twitching any more.

Sollux let his head fall to the side and you could feel his breath ruffle your bangs. His captive hand curled in your arms and squeezed your wrist. You lifted your head to look at him and his blank eyes were directed towards you.

“I'm so sorry Dave.” he whispered, the same way he did when he would wake you up in the middle of the night.

“Like I said, so over it.” you rested your chin on his shoulder, all you could smell was bourbon and dryer sheets.

“But maybe that means we're more alike than you thought? All my family's dead, and so's yours. Maybe we're both doomed, and we'll cancel each other out?” it came out a nearly incomprehensible slur, and you weren't even sure you were forming complete sentences at this point.

Sollux just smiled at you, a small crook of his lips that didn't meet his eyes. His fingers squeezed around your wrist again and your heart skipped.

“What do you look like?” he kept his voice low, close enough that you could smell alcohol on his breath.

“Ten out of ten, A plus, hit that.” the words fell out of your mouth in a messy jumble before you could help yourself, and actually pulled a surprised laugh from Sollux before he could stop himself.

“Wow, Dave Strider, Moment Ruiner.” he shook his head.

“No no, it's okay, we can have that moment back. Should I go pour water on my face in little droplets and it can be like Daredevil?” you took his hand in both of yours, flatting it between your palms and lifting it to your chest.

“Yeah, gimme a glass of water to throw in your face, that'll work.” he gave you that mean smirk that usually meant he was having fun at someone else's expense.

“I was thinking more like the shower.” you had to work a little not to think about showering wit him, now wasn't the time.

“Keep replacing genuine emotions with terrible come-ons, I think it's working.” he pulled at his hand in yours but you didn't let go.

“No but really, are you going to gently caress my face or what? Because I want this to happen now.” you pulled his hand towards you and he looked surprised.

“I meant you could just tell me.” you swore you could see the red on his cheeks darken.

“This is a beauty that has to be experienced first hand.” you threw your sunglasses to the table and lifted his hand to cup your cheek and he let you move him. You were going to blame the heat in your face on the bourbon.

He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something to you, but closed it and twisted to face you on the couch. He carefully lifted his other hand and rested it on the other side of your cheek. His fingers gently cupped your face for a few seconds and you could feel his muscles tremble, you'd be lying if you said your hands weren't shaking too.

His touch was gentle and slow when he gently splayed his fingers up to your cheekbones, pressing lightly at the hollows under your eyes and up your temples. He brushed at the hair framing the sides of your face and smoothed over your brows, his thumbs only just touching the tips of your eyelashes. He brushed carefully through your bangs, twisting a finger through them, testing.

“What color hair do you have?” he swallowed hard.

“Blond.” you didn't mean to whisper, but it came out quiet and intimate.

Sollux gave a small nod and chewed on his lower lip, fingers tracing down your cheek and under your chin. He traced your jawline and hesitated when he touched the corner of your lips, blinking his jewel toned eyes. It ticked when his shaky finger brushed your bottom lip and his mouth fell open for him to draw a deep breath.

There had been plenty of times in the past when you had the urge to kiss him, but every time it felt like it would have been a breach. You would have been selfish to take a kiss from him. So many times when he didn't even know how much he was making you want, but for the first time you thought maybe he wanted you to kiss him.

It could have been minutes that you sat there trying to figure out what to do while Sollux rested his thumb against the corner of your lips. You actually flinched when he finally leaned forward and touched his lips to yours.

At first his lips just barely brushed yours, a timid kiss while is his hand still cupped your cheek. You kept still and he pulled away for a second to pull one of his legs underneath him before pressing your lips together with more passion. His fingers threaded into your hair and you sighed against his cheek, closing your eyes and wondering if he could hear how hard your heart was beating.

Before you had time consider slipping him tongue he pulled away, his hand sliding down to the side of your neck. He blinked at you and ran his tongue over his lower lip before swallowing.

“Sorry, I didn't mean that.” he lifted his hands off you and the spaces he left felt cold. He shuffled back to the other side of the couch and hugged his knees.

“I think I am way more drunk that I thought.” he spoke like he was talking to himself.

“Or not drunk enough?” you tried, straining your brain to try and think of how you could get him to kiss you again, though the chances seemed to be drastically dropping by the second.

“Nice try.” he shook his head with a small smile, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back.

“Then why don't we just go cuddle. It's really late and if kisses are off the table officially I'm ready to sleep.” you put an arm around his shoulders and hoped that he got that it was supposed to be an ironically terrible come on. 

“Yeah, okay.” he sat forward but didn't push your arm off, instead grabbing your hand that was slung over his shoulder and pulling you to your feet after him.

You both stumbled your way to the bedroom, fighting off a fit of the giggles when you tripped over each other in the narrow hall. You kicked off your shoes in the middle of the floor and dropped your pants before falling into bed. Sollux shuffled around for a few more minutes before sliding into the bed, clothes in pajamas.

“Get off the blankets asshole.” he reached down and took hold of your shirt, pulling at you like it was really going to help you get under the sheets.

“Gimme another kiss.” your face was pressed into the blankets, but you reached out and grabbed what you thought was his arm.

“That's not weird.” he grabbed the hand that you put in his personal space while pushing your head away. You reluctantly rolled over enough for him to pull the blankets out from under you and he sighed, falling back onto the bed.

You wormed your way under your half of the blankets before reaching out and dragging him closer to you with a grip on his shirt. He groaned but didn't fight you, rolling onto his side away from you.

“You'll feel better tomorrow I think.” you spoke into the back of his neck, brushing your knuckles over the sides of his ribs.

“Thanks Dave...” he muttered quietly.

You felt dizzy and tired but it was still hard to fall asleep. It was almost an hour later when the sun was starting to come up when the sick feeling in your stomach started to ease. One of these days you were going to have to think of something to say to him, anything that had some meaning or could help him. For now all you could think to do was stay with him, and hope that was good enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still trying to bring in little parallels between what actually happens in Homestuck and the fic, sorry everyone's dead OTL I think that's it for having dead characters in this story though, I don't think anyone's left!
> 
> Sorry for the delay again, I've been sick for the past week and even though you'd think all that sitting around would be good for writing time, I was too miserable to write x(
> 
> Thanks to everyone for the comments, they're all really kind and I really appreciate you all taking the time to let me know that you like it! :)


	9. Chapter 9

Sollux was still next to you when the sun made it far enough into your room that it was in your face. You sat up and got out of the rays, letting them fall on to Sollux, it's not like the light would wake him up. He still hadn't risen by the time you were out of the shower and fully dressed. 

The first time you got dressed with him in the room you kept checking to make sure he wasn't looking at you, which of course was stupid. Now it didn't bother you to stand there naked in the same room with him, as long as you didn't think too hard about it. You never asked him about it, but at the same time maybe he didn't know you did that; it was best not to bring it up.

You made enough breakfast for him, but didn't realize until almost an hour later when you were still surfing the internet that he still wasn't up. You wandered back in to the bed room and sat on the foot of the bed, grabbing his leg through the blankets. He pulled it away from you, but did nothing else.

“Hey it's getting late, you want to get up?” you spoke loud enough that it would hopefully wake him if he was still asleep.

“No.” his voice was slurred just slightly with his face pressed into the pillow.

“It's almost eleven, when do you want me to get you up?” you stood from the bed, leaning over to try and get a look at him but he was out of view behind the balled up blankets.

“Later.” his voice was quiet, and you took it for sleep.

You tried putting him out of your mind to get a few mixes done and make a few phone calls for next weekend, but found yourself checking the clock. You weren't especially hung over, but maybe he was? The best you could think of at the moment was to put some water on the bed side stand for him, in case he wanted that. You put a glass there but thought better of it a few minutes later, replacing it with a bottle of water. 

Eventually you forced yourself to get work done instead of continually checking the time, and once you started working you got caught up and forgot. The next time you looked up it was nearly two in the afternoon. You made your way into the bedroom again and the light wasn't shining through the window anymore. Sollux had barely moved, still tangled in the blankets, half on your side of the bed.

“Hey Sol, time to get up.” you walked around the bed and sat on the edge, pulling the covers back enough to reveal his head. He had his face buried in the pillow, and his hair was sticking up at all angles.

The most you got out of him was a small groan, but no movement. You rested a hand on his shoulder and gave a small shake.

“Go away Dave.” he pulled his face out of the pillow enough to speak and pushed your hand off, rolling over away from you and pulling the blankets with him.

“Come on, just get up and eat something, you'll feel better I promise.” you tried not to sound like a worried mother hen.

“...”

You reached over and pulled at the blankets, he pulled back but eventually let them go, curling up in a ball on the bed.

“We'll get whatever you want for lunch, okay?”

“...”

“What can I do that will get you out of bed?” you leaned over next to him, resting on your elbows and poking his side. He squirmed a little but didn't turn to face you.

“I just want to sleep, so leave me alone.” he sounded the same as before, his voice was quiet, and what you had taken for sleepiness earlier sounded more like defeat now. You forgot, it wasn't all about hangovers, Eridan was still dead.

“Is this about Eridan?”

“It's about me wanting to sleep more.” he pulled your pillow close enough that he could hide under part of it. You dropped the blankets over him again and he visibly relaxed underneath.

“Any way I can help?” you put a hand over his shoulder, on top of the blanket. He pulled your pillow off him and put it back on your side of the bed, shaking his head.

“If I brought you some food would you eat it?” you just wanted to help but it came out like fretting.

“I'm not hungry.”

“Okay, well promise me you'll eat something later then.” you squeezed his shoulder before standing from the bed, you couldn't help anyone that didn't want help.

“Maybe.” judging from his tone of voice, it was more of a no.

“Call if you need anything.”

“Thanks Dave.”

You left the door half open on your way out, wishing that had gone better. You knew from experience that there wasn't usually much to be done for someone in grieving. 

Every once in a while, when you thought about it, you checked on him, about half the time he was asleep. By the time it was getting dark outside you got him to actually sit up in the bed, even though he made you physically lift him to do it. He looked unwell, his hair was messy and his face was pale. 

“What do you want for dinner?” you didn't tell him about how bad he looked right now, nobody wants to hear that.

“I don't care.” he scratched his hair and it fell in his face.

You reached up and brushed some of his hair with your fingers, tucking it behind his ear. 

“Can you tell me what this is about?”

“I'm just tired Dave.” he wiped his hands over his face, shaking his head before letting his hands fall into his lap. You reached over and lifted his head enough so you could see his face, his eyes stayed closed but you could see the small frown on his lips.

“Is that really it?”

He pulled away from your hand and slumped back like he was going to lie down again, but you reached forward and wrapped an arm around him before he could. He groaned and slumped forward, pushing you off.

“Can't you just let me sit and sulk for a while?”

“You've been sulking literally all day, give it a rest for a little while.”

Before you could keep him from doing it he fell back on the bed, curling on his side and pulling the covers up again.

“It's not that kind of thing Dave, I can't just stop being sad.”

“Sure you can, you did last night.” you pulled the blankets off him before he could get a good grip on them. His brows furrowed and he clung to his pillow, curling his legs up towards his chest.

“Maybe it had something to do with the kissing, should we try again?” you got an arm underneath him and tried pulling him back up into a sitting position, but he twisted in your arms and tried to get away.

“You're never going to forget that are you.” despite himself his expression cracked, he was fighting a smile.

Even though it took you physically pulling him from the bed you did manage to get him to the kitchen table. He still looked miserable and unwell, but you got him to eat something and some color returned to his face. He took a shower before falling back into bed, and you didn't have the heart to stop him. You could practically see a weight on his shoulders.

When you slipped in to bed next to him later that night he was already asleep, he had more than his fair share of the blankets but you let him have them. It took you time to get to sleep anyways, it was distracting to worry about him. 

The next time you woke up it was with a start, Sollux kicked you pretty hard in the leg, which was actually pretty unlike him. Usually he was the stationary one in his sleep and you were the one kicking and rolling over on him.

The first thing you noticed was the loud noise, it took a minute to identify it as hail hitting your window. There was thunder too, but it was far away, just a faint blink of light with quiet rumbling moments later. Your loose window was rattling while the hail pounded against it, large enough pellets you were worried it might break the glass.

Sollux drew your attention back inside with a low groan, but it was too dark for you to see him next to you. You turned the light on and leaned over him, letting your eyes adjust. He was curled up against your side with his knees digging into your thigh, his arms folded in against his chest. His face was drawn, and upon closer inspection there were tear stains in his pillow.

“Sollux.” you whispered but he didn't react, breath heavy.

“Sollux, wake up.” you tried again a little louder, reaching down to squeeze his shoulder and lying down next to him again. Thunder rattled your window pane again and he drew a sharp breath. His eyes fluttered open and he sniffled, blinking a few times before closing his eyes and wiping at his face with the back of his hand.

“What's that noise?” he sniffled, wiping at his eyes.

“It's hailing outside.” you rubbed his arm, he felt so warm in your cold apartment.

“It's so loud.” his voice cracked. He didn't know the light was on and you could see him. His expression was confused, still coming out of a dream.

“You okay?” you ran your hand along his arm, pulling the blankets up to cover both of your shoulders.

“Yeah... just nightmares.” he cleared his throat but you could see his eyelashes full of tears.

Before you could dwell on it you leaned close, throwing an arm over him and pulling him against your chest. He made a small choked noise but didn't fight you, and you could feel his damp breath against your neck. He sniffled one more time before relaxing under your arm, snaking one of his arms over you.

You could hear him take a shaky breath while his fingers touched at your back, shakily holding you back. You had to take a deep breath yourself, even if he wasn't interested in you romantically it was nice to have him this close.

A load crack of thunder made both of you jump, you craned your neck to check that the window remained unbroken. The hail showed no signs of slowing yet, coming in steady waves that tested the strength of you window glass.

“You want to talk about it?” you spoke quietly, stroking his back.

“Not even a little.” his voice was thick, speaking against your neck.

You stayed that way long enough that you found yourself closing your eyes, thinking of sleep. You couldn't be sure when the hail slowed down, or when the thunder and lightning faded, only able to focus on the warmth against your chest. You took the chance and lifted your arm enough to reach behind and shut the lamp off, casting the room into darkness again.

Sollux lifted his arm off you with a sleepy sigh when you moved away from him, but you pulled his arm back before he could roll away. He stayed close.

“Dave?” he sounded sleepy.

“Hm.”

“Why are you so great?” it wasn't a question that was meant to have an answer, but it made your heart skip a beat and you couldn't think of a deflection.

“Maybe we're just good together?” you suggested.

“I wish I didn't like you so much, then it would be easy to leave.” he said it flippantly, like it was a sleep addled thought.

“You know, if you leave... I'll be alone too.” you tugged him a little closer to you, relishing in the closeness.

“I know, I don't want to go.” he shifted under your arm and one of his knees knocked against yours.

“Then don't.”

“It's not that easy.” he let out a puff of breath against your collarbone.

“How isn't it easy? If you stay everything stays good.” you tried not to shiver with him so close to you.

“I'll just be waiting for something awful to happen to you.” he whispered, like he didn't want to say it.

“And what if nothing bad ever happens? What if we get to live happily ever after?”

“But what if you die Dave? I couldn't live with myself after that, not again.” he shifted uncomfortably under your arm.

You had to take a deep breath, despite yourself you were getting annoyed having this conversation with him all over again. Every time he brought up him leaving it aggravated something in you.

“Sollux, I can't promise you anything, but you shouldn't stop doing things just because something bad might happen.” you lifted your arm off him and brushed your hair back from your face, listening to the steady tapping noise of sleet on the window.

“I just want you to stay with me, and I'm tired of fighting you over it. If you're going to leave I won't stop you, but I can't have this conversation over and over again.” you let your arm drop back over him.

“Sorry Dave.” he spoke quietly.

“Sorry you're leaving?” your heart sank at the idea, you tried not to think about him being gone, not seeing him anymore.

“No... or maybe, I don't know.” his fingers twisted in the back of your shirt.

“You don't want to go and I don't want you to go, so stay, decision made.” you gave him a pat, hoping it resounded with some sort of finality.

“Right.” he pressed his face into your chest and let out a deep breath. It didn't sound like an agreement, but at least it wasn't a fight. That was the best you could hope for in the middle of the night anyways.

He was relaxed in your arms, warm and bony. He wasn't soft in your arms, not like a girl at all, he was all elbows and knees knocking against yours, dense heat. Even with all the little discomforts it was worth it for the light feeling in your chest. You got so little human contact, there was no one around to give you hugs or pat you on the shoulder anymore.

Before you met Sollux you hadn't even realized how deprived of physical touch you were. It was easy to go from day to day, uncomfortable almost when you brushed peoples shoulders at bars, but you always found yourself back in the same crowded places. Always alone but wishing for something that you couldn't put your finger on.

Now that you knew what you had been missing you couldn't imagine being without it. The closeness still felt uncomfortable sometimes, but having Sollux there to touch and guide when you needed it meant more to you than you could tell him.

“Stay with me, please.” you said it quietly, forcing words through the lump in your throat. If you were lucky he would be asleep and wouldn't remember your begging.

Sollux didn't say anything, just folded one of his arms against your chest and put a hand flat on your breast bone. He stayed still for a long time and you thought he might be falling asleep. You closed your eyes and tried to relax and sink into sleep but was pulled back when Sollux pushed against your chest, putting some space between you. He stretched out, his toes brushing your ankles and his lips touched underneath your chin before settling in against your chest again.

For such a small move you felt a weight lift in your chest, brushing your fingers at the small hairs on the back of his neck. He gave a small hum and you smiled, relaxing next to him. It was just a small kiss, but it meant something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay! Unfortunately, unlike most people, I don't get time off at Christmas since I work on commission. I just get more busy T_T;
> 
> This will get wrapped up soon though, I just need to .... figure out how! ^^;
> 
> Thanks again for the comments, I hope all of you had some great holidays, and happy new year!


	10. Chapter 10

You had a minor heart attack the next morning when Sollux was neither in your bed nor in the kitchen. You managed to walk right past the open window in your search, only noticing when you heard your name called. He was sitting on the fire escape having a cigarette and wearing pajamas with your coat over top. 

“I thought you quit those?” you leaned just out of the window and goosbumps rose on your arms, it was really cold outside.

“This is my last one, it's not like I'm going to make you to buy me cigarettes too.” he exhaled sideways, away from you, and the smoke was quickly carried away by the wind.

“I would if you wanted.” you folded your arms on the window sill, just barely leaning out.

“Nah, too expensive to smoke anyways. I used to just steal them from Karkat.” he hesitated with the cigarette just before his lips.

“You heard anything from him since... Gamzee disappeared?” when you were more awake you might have thought better of asking that, but it was cold and you were too tired to stop.

“... I did.” he held the smoking stick between his thumb and forefinger, idly rolling it back and forth.

“Shit, when? I don't remember that.”

“I didn't mention it.” he shrugged, shaking a long line of ash off the end of his cigarette.

“Sorry, didn't mean to pry.” 

“No, it's fine. We didn't talk for very long, he basically just wanted to tell me that we probably wouldn't be talking again.” he took a short drag from his dwindling cigarette.

“That sucks, you were good friends right?” you reached out and bumped your knuckles against his knee.

“Better before my accident, but yeah.” he held the remainder of his cigarette inside his curled hands, blinking his eyes like he could see it.

“You want to try and go find him or something?” you pulled your arm back in the window, it was too cold to be hanging out the window.

“Nah, he said he was with Gamzee. Apparently the cops are looking for him pretty hard now, some detective named Pyrope is trying to connect him with these other murder cases so Karkat's keeping him under the radar.” he flinched when hot ash hit his palm, nearly fumbling the cigarette.

“Sounds heavy.”

“Only if I think about it too hard. At least he's not dead like I thought he was.” he gave a twitchy shrug before a wracking shiver. 

“Finish that shit up and I'll make some breakfast.” you reached over and gave his arm a quick squeeze. He nodded, resting the cigarette between his lips and shrugging your hand off.

You were half way through making pancake batter when he shuffled into the kitchen, dropping your coat over your usual chair and falling in to his usual seat. He was quiet through breakfast and barely ate, retiring back to bed when you were finished. He spent the rest of the day much the same as he had the previous day, refusing to get out of bed. You made it your job to go bother him at regular intervals, and though he didn't fight you about being there he kept sleeping.

Over the next week it was a battle to get him to get out of bed, he cited any number of reasons from tiredness, illness, mourning, really anything to get you off his back. You didn't know what to do for him besides keep him company, and at a certain point he seemed to accept this and appreciate your company. You were left sitting on the bed next to him playing games on your cell phone, Sollux lying next to you.

“I told Karkat about you, when I talked to him.” he spoke up, surprising you when you thought he had been asleep.

“How did that go?” you didn't look away from your game.

“He said if I found someone who can stand to live in the same apartment as me I should marry them.”

“He sounds like a smart guy. Scale of one to ten, how likely are you to take his advice?” you pulled your eyes away from your game, looking down at him.

“I'd say it's definitely worth some kind of consideration.” he tried to hide his slight curl of a smile.

“Sweet, should I go buy you a ring?” you grabbed one of his hands, squeezing it in yours.

“Wow, I said worth consideration not start picking bouquets for the wedding.” he reached out and hit you in the thigh.

“Hey you were the one who said marriage.” you let go of his hand and he dropped it back to the bed.

“You're right, I brought this upon myself. Still, can't you at least wait for the third date before a marriage proposal?” he rolled onto his back, scratching his hair.

“We haven't even been on a first date, that's a long way to go.” you picked up your phone to resume your game, relieved that he was feeling well enough to stand up to your ribbing.

“Then maybe we better get started.” he spoke quietly, almost like he regretted saying it. It gave you pause and you almost dropped your phone.

“If you want to, let's give it a shot.”

\---

It was weird getting ready for a date when you lived in the same apartment. It didn't feel like it was going to be a date, or at least you were pretty sure it was going to be. You just assumed when he'd asked you about going to dinner tonight that meant it was a dinner date. You tried dressing a little nicer, but realized that it would be lost on Sollux anyways. Then was the issue of where were you supposed to take him? Or was he going to take you somewhere? You should have looked this up on the internet before today.

Movies weren't good, although he seemed to enjoy them enough sitting on your couch he never picked one to watch. Ice skating seemed like a romantic option, but with how good he was on stairs you didn't think it would end well. Sightseeing, museums, bowling, the only logical conclusion you could come up with was that dating was not made for blind people. You felt bad for even thinking it.

“Are we going out for food or what?” he bumped in to the bedroom door that you left half shut, shoving it out of the way. He was wearing the same clothes he had worn yesterday.

“Is this really it?” you reached for your shirt to cover your bare chest before forcing your self to relax, he couldn't see you and this wasn't an occasion.

“What?” he leaned on the door frame, pulling the shoulder of his (your) sweatshirt back up.

“The date.”

“I don't know, do you want it to be?” he folded his arms and stifled a yawn, apathetic.

You were stumped. The part of you that had secretly read romance novels as a kid wanted everything to feel special, and to sweep him off his feet with some kind of perfect date that only happened in movies. The rest of you was sure that there was no way he saw any of this in a remotely romantic light, and that was a mood killer.

“Whatever, lets just go eat.” you threw on your shirt, the only one you owned that had a collar besides the crisp white dress shirt you only wore once with a black suit. You toed into your shoes and headed for the door, finding Sollux still leaning in the frame, in the way. His eyes were open, small half blinks in your direction. He opened his eyes less and less lately, but you think you were the only one that noticed.

“Are you upset or something?” his eyebrows were slightly drawn, he usually made that face when he was trying to figure out what he wasn't able to see.

“What? No, lets just go.” you took a hold of his upper arm and turned him so you could get past him in the door, but he held you back before you could get through.

“What is it?” he tried sounding insistent, but all you could hear was his apathy from earlier.

“Nothing, I'm just hungry.” you did your best to sound as uncaring as he could most times.

He didn't press you further on it, but from the look on my face he didn't believe you. He left his cane and put on his sunglasses, letting you lead him, a little unusual but not completely strange. Once you were seated at a table in the restaurant you spent most of your time not talking, and Sollux was starting to look like he was feeling awkward about it.

“So.” you offered, not particularly relishing in being the one to dredge up conversational topics.

“Can you just tell me if something's wrong, because I don't have as many visual cues to go off of as you do.” he sounded annoyed, nearly knocked over his glass of water resting his elbows on the table.

“No need to be an ass about it, maybe I just don't feel very talkative right now.” you nearly reached out and moved his water for him, but decided against it.

“You never don't feel like talking.” he took his sunglasses off and folded them, hooking them into his collar and leaning back in his chair, away from the table.

“Yeah, well, there's a first time for everything.” 

You watched him twist his lips, his foot bumped yours under the table.

“Is this just because it's a date? Is that making all of this” he vaguely gestured to the table “weird?”

“Oh, so this is a date?” you couldn't keep all of the bitterness from passing through your lips.

“Uh, yeah, isn't that what you wanted?” he folded his twiggy arms over his chest.

“Well yeah, but you don't seem in to it at all, so never mind I guess.” your impassiveness was slipping, but you would rather sound angry than like you were about to cry.

He looked surprised and maybe a little hurt, sitting up a little straighter and letting his hands fall to his lap.

“Sorry, I- Sorry Dave.” he frowned, shaking his head and curling into himself a little like he usually did when he wanted to hide.

“You kind of asked for this, so when you seem really not into it at all it comes as a little bit of a surprise, you know?”

“I know, you're right. I'm just not as ready for this as I thought I was.” his face was downcast.

“Like how?”

“Like the last person I dated was Feferi, and I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing when I can't even see you.” he swallowed hard but his posture was closed off.

“I don't even know where we're supposed to go on a date, since most normal date activities aren't friendly for blind assholes like me. We can't even go anywhere with me-” this time when he put his elbow on the table he did actually knock his glass of water off the side, at least it stopped him in the middle of his self deprecatory rant.

“Fuck, sorry, that was me wasn't it.” he pushed away from the table, red rising in his face.

“Chill out, it's fine.” you had to stand and push him back into his chair, whether he was going to leave or just stand there and freak out you wanted to stop him. 

He sat in his chair across from you morosely, slumped forward and trying to hide his face as the waitress came and cleaned up the broken glass and water. She assured you both everything was fine, it was no problem, but it didn't help Sollux's mood any.

“Sol?” you spoke quietly once the waitress was gone, trying to keep your conversation quiet amongst the other patrons in the restaurant.

“Yeah.” he marginally lifted his head, enough that you could see his red cheeks and closed eyes.

“Come on, I didn't mean to make this awful, let's just be friends again okay?” you wanted him to stop freaking out, especially in public. This was not the venue that you wanted to have an in depth talk about your relationship, again.

“It's not that, I do want to be more than friends I just suck too much to do it.” he spoke quietly, covering half his face with one hand.

“Could the feelings jam wait until we're back at home? Not that I don't want to hear it, but maybe just not in public.”

“Yeah, you're right, sorry.” he wiped his hand over his face.

It was a long meal, even with Sollux trying to act like normal, and a cold walk back even with him pressed against your arm. He fell face first over the arm of the sofa as soon as you got home and laid still while you closed and locked the front door. There wasn't enough room on the couch for you to sit with him monopolizing it. You dropped your coat and sat on the floor in front of the couch, throwing an arm over Sollux's prone form.

“Sorry I'm consistently fucking awful. You don't deserve that, nobody deserves that.” he said, muffled from the couch cushions.

“Nah, you're not so bad, I was just being a little bitch.” you patted the dip between his shoulder blades. He twisted until he was half facing you, blinking his blank eyes and listing one arm to rest over yours.

“Don't get me wrong, I do want to do this. It's just when something starts happening I flip and... don't know what to do anymore.” his fingers kneaded your upper arm, twisting your sleeve.

“Still scared I'm about to keel over?”

“Pretty much.” he took a deep breath and let it out explosively.

You tried to think of something to say to him, but there wasn't anything that you hadn't said a hundred times. The time when you could reasonably answer passed and you were both left in silence.

“Nothing's felt normal for me since the accident.” he spoke softly, quiet like he did sometimes in the middle of the night.

“I know man, you'll get there though.” you rubbed his back, feeling the grooves of his spine under your fingers.

“How would you know?”

“Because eventually even the strangest things become normal.”

“...Yeah, maybe you're right.” he let his arm slip away from yours, dangling off the side of the couch next to you.

“Of course I'm right, so stop beating yourself up and lets watch a movie.” you pushed yourself off the floor, pressing your hand into his back for leverage and drawing a grunt out of him.

By the time you were finished getting the movie playing and back with an alcoholic drink for both of you he still hadn't moved. You kneed him in the thigh and he swatted in your direction, nowhere near hitting you.

“I'm about to sit on your legs if you don't get up. You have to sit up to drink this anyways.”

“Drink what?” it came out as more of a groan than words.

“The booze.” you twisted the glass so he could hear the ice clink.

“You drink it, I don't want any.”

“But I went through all this trouble, you have to. At least move so I can sit.” you kneed him again, gentle enough that it wouldn't really hurt him.

He moved, but only rolled onto his side, giving you a small amount of room in front of his stomach. Taking the opportunity you sat in front of him, squishing him back into the couch and settling your back against his stomach. Surprisingly he didn't complain, so you set both glasses down on the coffee table. You did end up drinking both of them, and accidentally spilling some on him in an attempt to get him to take his glass and sit up.

You were really squishing him into the back of the couch by the end of the movie, but he just curled up and let you lean on him without complaint, his thighs against your side and one arm resting over your leg. By the time the movie was over it was starting to feel cold in the room and you were ready to get some sleep. He followed behind you down the hall, one hand tracing along the wall and the other holding your sleeve.

He settled in against your side under the blankets, throwing an arm over your stomach in a comfortable closeness you had both grown accustomed to.

“Why don't we try again tomorrow, we'll do a real date.” he spoke quietly while you reached over and turned the light out.

“If you want to, or we can just put that on hold.” you fluffed your pillow a little before falling back onto the bed with a whump.

“Fuck your sensitivity, we're doing this.” his tone changed to something more satirical, dragging you minutely closer to him and throwing the blanket up to your shoulders.

“We're going to make it happen?” 

“Yes. Now go to sleep because tomorrow is going to be serious.” he patted your chest definitively and you had no arguments.

The next morning was only slightly disappointing. You had to almost physically drag him from the bed when it passed from midday to afternoon. He managed to bring his energy levels up to that of a normal human being in time for dinner, so you tried again. He brought his cane and actually managed to make it most of the way to the movie theater without guidance from you. It was only a few blocks away, and you had only been there once, but it was a small place that served food during the movies. The cashier rang Sollux up for a discounted senior ticket, apologizing that he couldn't let him in for free even if he was blind. Sollux looked like he took it a little personally but managed to hold it in.

No one else was in the theater so you narrated the whole terrible movie for him, by all accounts it was not worth the money to see it but you had fun. It was too cold on the way back and you both rushed back to your apartment, huddling on your couch together under your only two blankets. You tried to slip him some tongue in a kiss but he pushed you off and laughed.

The next time you asked him to come with you to your job at a bar he accepted. It wasn't a very nice bar, mostly empty the whole time, and all you had was a small platform to set up on. You set up a few songs to play and sat with him at the bar until the owner threatened to fire you if you didn't at least look like you were working. Later the both of you ended up staggering home together drunk, just before the sun came up.

\---

“So this is our third date.”

“Is it? I wasn't counting like some kind of freak.” Sollux continued eating your french fries, you couldn't tell if he didn't know they were yours or if he didn't care.

“Hey now, no need for name calling. I just wanted to point out that I was promised a marriage proposal after three dates.” you pushed the tray closer to him, finished with your food anyways.

“Yeah well you know I'm full of shit.” he gave you a crooked smirk and you had to fight not to smile back at him in the crowded food court.

“I should have known I couldn't make an honest man out of you.” you knocked one of your feet against his under the table and he laughed, kicking you in the shin and insisting it was an accident. Whether or not it actually was you weren't going to play footsie with him again.

He complained without pause when you dragged him to clothing stores and bought him things. He had enough clothes to make it through six days without doing laundry (or taking yours). Not that you didn't mind sharing, but he seriously needed more clothes and you were getting really tired of that one shirt with the hole in the sleeve. He kept asking you the price of things and you had to lie to him once or twice when you realized he was keeping a tally in his head, but it was for his own good.

“So are you having a good time?” you were back in the apartment and he was putting away his clothes in one of the drawers you cleared out for him in your dresser. You had to let him put his own things away or he couldn't find them later.

“I don't know if you know this, but being home means the date is over.” you threw your shoes into the bottom of your closet.

“I mean dating in general, you're still... good?” he was facing away from you, focusing more on folding his clothes than was strictly necessary. 

“You're asking if I'm going to change my mind about you?”

“...I guess?” he half turned towards you, leaning his hip against the dresser and shutting the drawer.

“I think you'd notice if I stopped liking you entirely. We've got to work on your self confidence or something though.” you sat on the edge of the bed and hooked a hand around his hip, pulling him closer until he was standing in front of you.

“Yeah well, it's not like I have a whole lot going for me right now.” he mumbled.

“You've got me?” it was cheesy and you almost tripped over your tongue saying the words.

“...That's enough I guess.” he leaned over you, arms around your shoulders and rested his chin on top of your head.

\---

“Do you wear this?” Sollux called from the other room, on his way to you in the kitchen.

“What is it?” you turned away from the stove and your throat seized when you saw him.

“It's a hat.” he wandered towards you, brushing a hand against the counter with a gray baseball cap in his other hand. He ran his fingers along the well worn creases, pausing over the few tears in the fabric.

“That's uh...” you trailed off, trying to regain control of yourself.

You hadn't seen that hat in years, you couldn't call up the exact date. It wasn't like you didn't have plenty of your brother's belongings, they were all mixed in with yours at this point and everything that had been his was now yours. Most of the time you couldn't remember if a record was yours or his unless you stopped to really think about it.

But the hat was different, it was his hat and every time you saw it you pictured his face with it. It looked empty and strange without your bro wearing it.

“Dave?” Sollux reached out and his fingers grazed your collarbone.

“Sorry, that's uh, my bro's hat.” you took it from his hand and dropped it on the counter, trying to look away but it stuck out and you couldn't keep your eyes off it. You hadn't seen it in so long, you hadn't thought about him in real detail in so long.

“It fell out of your closet and I didn't know where it went, sorry. Should I go put it back?” he folded his hands together anxiously.

“No, really it's fine. I just forgot I had it is all.” you touched his shoulder, trying to reassure him that is wasn't his fault.

“It's burning.”

“What?”

“Whatever is on the stove is burning.”

“Shit!” you actually shoved him away from the stove before whirling around and throwing the pan off the stove and into the sink. It wasn't on fire, but it was still way past done. When the smoke had stopped billowing off the pan and you shut the stove off you finally turned to Sollux standing on the other side of the kitchen, eyes wide.

“Everything okay?” he looked somewhere between worried and angry.

“Well I still have my eyebrows and we're going out for lunch, how about it?” you smoothed your hair out of compulsion, taking a deep breath and feeling your heart beat start to even out.

“Let me just... put this away.” you hesitantly picked up the hat by the brim. It was cold and heavy in your hands. You always remembered it being much bigger, but maybe it was just your memory from being a child.

Sollux stepped aside and let you past and back into the bedroom. The closet door was still open and you stepped inside, looking for the space on the top shelf that the hat would have come from. You ended up cramming it between two boxes, it might not have been where it came from but it should stay. You wanted to keep it safe, but not see it very often. When you closed the door Sollux was halfway through the door to the bedroom.

“Ready to go?” you leaned down to pick up your shoes.

“Lets stay in.” he reached a hand out towards you and you straightened, taking his hand. He pulled you a step closer and hooked an arm over one of your shoulders.

“I'm fine, I'm not going to have a breakdown over a hat.” you had to speak into his shoulder with his chin resting on yours.

“I know, but if it's all the same to you I want to stay here.” he leaned in close, resting a hand on the side of your neck and kissing your cheek.

You hesitated, your arms moving in short choppy movements until you had them around him. He leaned in against you and he was warm, comforting. Ever since you lost your bro your only way to deal with his death was to ignore that he had every been there. Any time that you were reminded of him you found something else to work on and forget about him.

Sollux was someone who knew what it was like to lose someone, probably better than anyone else, and someone who had it worse off than you. You didn't pity him, but it meant a lot to you that you could be there to help him, and he could be there to help you too when you needed it. You hadn't had anyone that meant that much to you that in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished, whew! I've got other stuff that I want to write, and for some reason this chapter just wouldn't come out OTL For once in my life I decided not to end a story with smut (or put any smut at all, what?), that never happens!
> 
> I want to thank everyone for commenting one last time, I really appreciate every single comment so thank you for taking the time to let me know that you like the story. I tear up a little every time I read them, it means a lot T_T And thanks to everyone for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> I wonder if you can guess what my OTP is from my fics? (haha I am lame)
> 
> Progress may be a little slower on this story than my other ones, this time I'm trying to go with fewer but longer chapters!
> 
> Other characters will be included too, I'll add them to the tags as they show up!


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